In this coffee chat with the Mompreneur Mastermind FB community, we discuss glorifying busyness, distraction, indecision, and more. How these are actually many of our drugs of choice and how this time of isolation has put a spotlight on what we need to change or let go of.
Highlights from this chat:
Fooling ourselves into feeling productive.
Face your fear it no longer controls you.
What happens when we let go of idols like busyness and over-production?
Secrets of the soul.
Whispers from God.
+ reminders about God’s law
Full transcription available at the bottom of this blog post.
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Are you Glorifying Busyness? Detoxing From Distraction + The Book of James
I'm excited to share with you today's bonus episode because this is a live that I did this morning over in the Mompreneur Mastermind Facebook Group, and if you are not a part of that group yet, come and join us! I have committed to going live once a week in there and offering you guys free insight, free Q&A, (it's basically free coaching for inspiration) and it's a way for me to connect with each and every one of you at a deeper level during this time. I'm just really excited about the conversations that we've already had, including the one from today. We talked about what your drug of choice is, and why being still and slow in this moment has brought to light what we all potentially are glorifying. For me, that drug of choice is busyness.
We discuss how we fool ourselves into thinking that something like busyness is actually creating more production, which creates more worthiness. I believe all of that is a lie, and it's been brought to light during this moment of stillness. We are being challenged to grow and find true meaning, and break down the things that have been keeping us stuck. (The stuff that's been distracting us from our true work here.) I also talk about what happens when we let go of these idols like busyness and overproduction, (or overthinking) because it goes both ways, Sister Friend! I also tie things back to the book of James, which I read this morning, and how God's law is always exactly what we need when we need it. I know you're gonna love this, come join the group so that you don't miss out on any other future coffee chats! You can join us by going to Facebook and searching for "Mompreneur Mastermind" or bit.Ly/SuccessSupportGroup. See you there!
I've also had a couple of questions about coaching, and what I offer during this time and a couple of questions I want to clarify.
The first question was:
"If we do coaching, do you have to have your episode aired on my podcast?" Of course not Ladies! If you do not want your coaching session to be on the air, it is completely optional! You'll get the choice of signing a release when we do a coaching session. Just know that if there are things that are near and dear to your heart, or specific to your situation that you want to be kept private, during our coaching session, it does not have to be aired on this podcast.
Secondly, I've had some people reach out to me about customized packages right now, and yes, we can absolutely customize a package for you. Just as of this morning, I've been setting up a customized package for a client of mine where we are going to have six weeks of unlimited Voxer support during office hours. Listen, if you have a need, just reach out to me, OK?
Nothing that I offer is set in stone, if you need a six-week 30 minutes with Voxer support, let's create it. If you just need a Voxer support mentor over the next month as we navigate the space, just ask. I can customize any package based on you and your needs. If you are interested in anything like that, let's just have a conversation- direct message me on Instagram and Voice text me @StefanieGass and we can map something out that will work for you where you're at. I will meet you where you're at. I'm here for you today, now, and every day.
OK get your coffee, let's dig in, this is juicy! I want to talk to you guys about this weird feeling I've been going through, so here we are a month into being quarantined, being on isolation. I've had this strange, unsettled feeling lately. I just couldn't put my finger on it. What is this strange feeling? Yesterday I'm sitting outside, and I feel like I should be doing something right now. I'm watching my kids play, and I got my phone in my hand and I'm just like… I should be doing something. You know, I should go to the laundry. I should go pick up, and as I'm walking through my land mine house and stepping over all the toys, "I need to pick these up." There's this constant chatter in my brain about, "Do something. Do something. Do more. Get busy. Be more productive. Follow up with people. Fix your website." Do you guys feel this way? Does anybody else feel like if you're not doing something, then something is wrong or off? Or is that just me? Drop your comments below, I want to hear from you. Let's get a dialogue going on this, I posted my Instagram story yesterday about this, and do you guys feel weird - what do you think, are we detoxing from being busy? I got so much feedback, so many people slid into the DM's and gave me their insight. I think I had this crazy realization that it's not necessarily a detox from busyness, it's that busyness, for so many of us, is our drug of choice (me included.)
I think that busyness is actually kind of this idol that we all have. Especially as women, we are glorifying being busy and we're almost addicted to it in a way, and I think it's because when we hear from society, and we were raised to believe that as women, and as mothers especially, and pair that with entrepreneurship - the more productive you are, the more successful you are, the busier you are the more you'll achieve. We're stuck in the space of "Go and do, and do more" and it becomes an addiction, at least for me, and I also think that it's based on personality type.
I was talking to my friend this morning, and you guys know I'm a 3 on the enneagram wing 2, whether or not you follow that, I believe that we have different personality strengths and weaknesses. So for me, busyness so easily becomes this trigger of "do more" and equal more, right?! But my friend, who's an eight on the enneagram this morning was voicing with me, and she was saying that she feels different. Like for her, it feels like this weirdness or this feeling of being off is less driving of her business. She runs a huge, very successful eating disorder clinic. So for her, it's like, "No it's all about I can't be there, I can't impact change." So we all have something that we inherently idolize. So for me, I really think that that thing was busy, and it is busyness. So anyway, why I am talking about this with you guys this morning, is that I think we've been challenged through this period of slowness and isolation, just having more peace (literally being forced), to have more peace in our lives. It's causing us all to have a look at some
of our weaknesses. Have any of you experienced this aha ha moment of maybe a weakness that you've had? Comment below if you're willing to share, for me it was busyness.
Now what's happening is that I'm going through this busyness detox, and once you see, you cannot unsee. Once you see something, you cannot unsee it. So now I am seeing, I just have this need to feel busy, because it makes me believe I'm productive. And when I'm productive, I am more worthy.
So here's the secret, here's what happened for me: When you face an idol full-on, and you recognize that something is controlling you, and it's a lie and it's not the truth, God will give you everything you need to combat that. Come yesterday, I'm home but I'm (again), busier than ever and I have all these things yesterday, and I missed my Bible Study. My friend was like, "Hey, let's just do it separately, I'll just do it with you." How selfless and incredible the women are in my life, and so I said, "OK." So I sit down this morning and I do the study, and I end up in the book of James. Now listen to the very first thing that I highlighted, (It was so on-par! I think God speaks to us so often through scripture and through things that we need to hear, like divine intervention.) This is James 1:2, anyway, it says:
When troubles come your way, and for me this means facing a fear, uncovering an idol, feeling frustrated, feeling scared right now… Whatever you guys are feeling right now, it is an opportunity for joy, so we have to feel into the feelings, and know that sometimes discomfort is a huge opportunity for growth. For me, it's taking a minute to say I don't need to do something right now, just for the sake of doing it. I need to stop doing things for the sake of being. For the sake of feeling into being present, for the moments that are so fleeting and that can pass us by when we are putting on a veil of busy. When we're putting on a veil of achievement.
We're putting on that veil of fear or insecurity or of doing more, whatever that thing is. It's truly just a veil that is keeping you from feeling into being perfect and complete. That was James 1:2.
Then let's dissect that even more, it says, "For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." So I want you guys to understand, that as you sit in a moment of insecurity of - for me, I've even had days that kind of feel depressed or dark or off right now. It means my endurance is being tested. Not because I'm not doing enough, but because I don't need to do anymore, and God is showing me what actually matters. He's showing me that I don't have to go and do the dishes right this second because that doesn't equal achievement for his kingdom. OK, you guys? That's me. That is me lying to myself. That being busy equals more. It's a drug of choice, ok? It's just another way that we self medicate. That we hide, from what actually matters, and it's dangerous. It's so dangerous.
There's a couple of other things from James that I wrote down, and I wanted to talk to you guys about. In Book One, verse 12: "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation." Right? Here's another one: How many of you are being tested and tempted right now, to do more in your businesses? I have gone through this moment of shiny object syndrome in the past week. I went through, in my mind, "I need to launch something new, I'm not charging enough…" I had like all these ideas into my mind. And I never sat down and prayed over it. I started mapping out different courses and mapping out different things and this morning I heard, " Whoa, Sister! Wait!" I've heard "wait" so many times in my business in the past year, and it feels so frustrating because we want to grow, and we want to scale, and we want to have more, and we want to do more, but we have to remember it's in God's timing. Not our timing. So we have to endure testing and temptation which also means sitting in the discomfort of letting go of your drug of choice.
So this place of peace, Ladies, it should give you perspective on what you've been using to cope because we have to sit with it. So I want you to think about this, what has that been for you? Has it been busyness? Has it been distraction? Has it been shiny object syndrome? Has it been comparison-itis? Has it been hiding underneath all of the things that other people tell you you need, and other people tell you that you should be? Is it hiding underneath the fear of success? I want you to uncover it, and I want you to look at that and see how can I change this? For me, one of my favorite ways is to just say, "God, break me down and rebuild me. Use this weakness for your good, and show me how I can be better for it." It takes time you guys, this is not overnight. You're going to feel lots of guilt, and anxiousness when you uncover your drug of choice, and when you when you're ready to let go of it, your body is going to tell you no. Your mind is going to tell you that you need it.
We have to literally turn away, and you know, I am going to struggle with this, for months, because I just now figured it out. I just now finally see, but once you see, you cannot unsee. So once you breakthrough, your weakness (let's say busyness as an example), you are going to see more clearly. You are going to find that decisions come more easily to you because you've opened up a clear channel that was being blocked from Holy Spirit intervention. If I am constantly thinking, "busy, busy, do, do, act, serve, make more money, launch new things…." How can God speak to me? I am blocking my own miracles by using distraction, like busyness, like social media, (whatever), and I think when you slow down, you hear more clearly. Decisions become more natural. Opportunities flow through to you; you are more able to discern what's right, what's wrong. And then here's the most beautiful part, Ladies - we have more energy and time to do something with it because we're focused on what actually matters. It's crazy. It's crazy.
So I invite each and every one of you, to think about what's the stuff you've been hiding behind? How can we let go of that today? How can you consider your trials and your discomfort right now, as a space to grow, and then experience true joy because again, when we let our faith be tested, and our endurance has a chance to grow, and let it grow. For when our endurance is fully developed, We'll be perfect and complete, needing nothing. Because the law says so, the law, right? Crazy. It was my heart-check this morning, I had to share it with you guys. I don't know if this resonates with any of you, but I'm a verbal processor, so I have to say things out loud for them to come back through into my heart. So I want to see what you guys said this morning.
Tracy, in the beginning, said she is in limbo. She said some days she feels like she needs to be busy, and then is reminded to stop and go play with the kids. It's a struggle. It's such a struggle, and I can literally feel the enemy at work, when I hear that, Tracy. I hear, "You should go play with your kids right now," then I hear, "BUT I have to vacuum…BUT you have to work on your business." Do you guys feel that? I know that that is not from a place of good! Dana says, "I'm finally using this time to finish what I started," and doing things…it's also good, Ladies, but sometimes it can go the other way. Some of you are hiding from doing, and some of you are not natural doers, you are overthinkers, or you are frozen in indecision, so this also goes the other way and you're letting be your drug of choice. So you have to do that heart-check, you have to do that self-inventory and ask, What is it for you and how can you breakthrough. How can you let God use this time to rebuild you, and using some of those weaknesses for His good?
Alright, I have been doing that and God did the same thing, I was all running full blast on an idea and God said, Whoa! Sometimes the ideas are not His, they're ours. This happens all the time for me.
…Because on my podcast, I am very spiritual and have been from day one, people know that about me. But here I have 3,000 women and a lot of women in this group don't listen to my show. They found me through a search. I thought no better time to rip off the Band-Aid because I am who I am. I will speak the truth and people can take it or leave it, and I would love them all the same and if they just wanna be here for the business, that's cool. But if they want to be here for business through Christ, and through everything I stand for, I want to serve you all deeper and for me that means tying it all back to the Creator, tying everything back to the One that gives us everything.
I hope you loved that deep dive into our drug of choice, I would love to hear you come and post in the FB group about what yours has been and how that's been brought to light and what you're doing to navigate all of those feelings and kind of break-through, because like I said once you see you cannot unsee, but know that we are all in this together, we are all growing through these changes here and now, but we can do it as a community. So I'll meet you over in the Facebook group. If you found value in today's conversation and it made you feel something, it made you have that aha moment or that heart-check that you've been missing, will you do me a favor? Would you take a screenshot of this episode and share it in your Instagram stories for me? That is the #1 way you can thank me is by spreading our mission and helping me touch more women, creating more strong and credible Proverbs 31 women just like you and me. I would be forever grateful. See you soon!
Love and light, Stef
Lots of fancy unused education. Podcast Coach, Clarity Coach, & Top #25 Ranked Podcast Host for Christian Entrepreneurs.