My birth story, recovery, and journey to now.
Overwhelming. Amazing. Surreal. Tiring. Incredible. Hard.
That about sums up my first week as a mommy to two little people. 9 months of pregnancy and you'd think reality would hit you that you are about to welcome another human being into the world. Nope. Not this chick. Even with all the kicks, hormones, weight gain, it wasn't really REAL until I heard those precious (and oh-so-loud) cries coming from my sweet boy. At that VERY moment my heart exploded. He was mine. It was everything I could do but jump up from that surgery table and grab my baby boy to comfort and hold him close. Immediately, he was part of my soul and instantly, I was unconditionally in love.
Immediately, he was part of my soul and instantly, I was unconditionally in love.
A Scary Start
After an emergency C-section with my first son, we went in for my scheduled C-section a week ago. I remember praying with my husband on the drive and asking God to protect me and deliver us safely. After a few hours of monitoring, it was time. Said goodbye to my family members and was wheeled into a cold, white surgery room. Happy to see my OB, she was a friendly face I definitely needed at that moment. She held my shoulders and told me to breathe as the anesthesiologist put in my spinal. After about 8 minutes, lots of pain, sharp shocks throughout my back and lots of blood later.. he finally found "the spot". Awesome.
It Gets Real...
After the spinal kicked in, they got to work. Hubby came in and stood by me. I felt calm and anxious to meet my son. After about 20 minutes, out came my baby boy. Those cries. He wanted his mama. That was the hardest part - hearing my son cry for me and not getting to hold him, even see him for what seemed like FOREVER. Finally, they brought him to me. Perfect. Literally perfect. Head full of black hair and so tiny. I didn't remember how small a new baby was until that moment. I was absolutely in love.
All the sudden, my husbands face turned white... and I hear my doctor ask for some blood clotting medicine, NOW. "She's bleeding too much. I'm going to have to open her up." My husband was white as a sheet and said he was going to throw up. They made him sit in a wheelchair and took him out of the room. They also took my new son with them and told me be calm.. everything would be okay. That they needed to stop the bleeding. At this moment I felt fear for the first time that day. My body went cold and I couldn't breathe. I told them I was going to be sick and they gave me some type of nausea medicine that calmed me down. Two doctors came in and went to work cutting me back open... after about 15 minutes they said they found the source of the bleeding and it would be ok. I was stitched back up and wheeled into recovery. I remember all I wanted was my baby.
In recovery I finally got to have my little love. Breastfeed him. Hold and whisper in his ear. It was Heaven. They ended up giving me two blood transfusions and and kept me about 5 hours in recovery. It was intense. I could have died. It's even hard to write about it now, but I give it to God and know that it wasn't my time. That my work here wasn't done. I thank Him everyday for letting me have more time to be with my boys and my husband and couldn't feel more blessed to see tomorrow.
With all the trauma behind us I was able to recover in the hospital for 4 days. My favorite memory was when my boys met for the first time. Big brother Miles who is almost three couldn't have been more excited to meet his brother. He was SO SWEET. Came in and gently touched Landon's face. "Hi little Andon" (Miles doesn't say L's well, haha). He sang him happy birthday to you and held him. Everyone was crying. So PRECIOUS.
After 4 days in the hospital it was time to go. I was SCARRRRRED. The hospital felt safe, and lets get real - they had my meds schedule on point! I was barely able to walk to the bathroom let alone go HOME. Are they crazy?! But hubby talked me off the ledge and home we went. It was a rough first day and I don't really remember much. I think I slept a lot and got situated on the recliner couch. My home for the next few days. Sleepless nights, sore back and stomach, constipation, swelling, painful breastfeeding (how I had forgotten the joys of raw nipples, sorry TMI). It was rocky.
In all the chaos there is true beauty
I won't say it's gotten easier, but I will say I am healing and that I am cherishing every single second of this journey. At times I want to press pause and just soak it all in. How tiny my new baby is, how sweet he is when he finally opens his eyes, how he lives for mommy's milk and skin to skin, how he smells, how innocent he is. How big brother protects him and loves on him when he cries. How sweet he kisses his forehead. Everything. It is surreal that God would bless us with such an experience and I remind myself how incredibly important it is to stop and snuggle, breathe it all in. Leave the mess, let someone else make you dinner, clean up the toys and just focus on love. Pure, unconditional love of my new family. Enjoy every tear, smile, hug, kiss, sleepless night and know that it won't be here for long. Filled with gratitude and thankfulness at this moment as I thank God for his many blessings.
This picture sums up our first week as a new family.
Today is Landon's 7th day on Earth. We love you so much already and can't wait to see you grow and thrive. Happy week old birthday sunshine!
Checkout our slideshow of week 1:
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