Being a MOM.
Dang if it isn't one of the hardest challenges ever. There are days when I am on my game and I feel like I could win a mommy-metal. I mean, look I potty-trained before 3 this time around!
And then... your kid says "SH*T". Well, oh sh*t.
I'm failing. I'm confused. Why am I filled with guilt and there's no where to show me how to do this 'right'. Well, in all honesty, there is no 'right' way to mom, mom. #sorry
But, there IS direction. It's turning it over to God, doing self-evaluation, seeking his direction, and then taking action to be your best. It's realizing that we aren't pefect, but we ARE worthy of having a joyful, fulfilling, and enjoyable journey mamas... and it starts with being honest with yourself.
I went through some mama guilt recently and instead of burying it, or getting lost in it - I looked at it head-on. Why was I feeling this way? What (if anything) needed to change?
I found 3 problem areas that I could change:
1. Blaming & projecting
2. Feeling reactive to social media, email, and the to-do list
3. Needing more help with my kids so I could be more efficient and focused during "work time"
I jotted them down and took specific action to implement some changes. Believe it or not, there is a solution to EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. YOUR. PROBLEMS. Have you ever heard the saying, you're only as successful as the number of problems you can solve?
Here I sit feeling much better about this beautiful journey of motherhood, more focused, and open to capturing the fleeting moments with our little humans.
I hope these lessons help you inventory your own life and see if there's anywhere you can improve to the be the mama God has called you to be. We are worthy of happiness AND happy kids. We got this. Let's let God lead our steps.
I hope you enjoy. I'll meet you inside the episode, sis!
P.S. HAVE YOU ENTERED IN THE 50K GIVEAWAY?! WIN A FREE COURSE OF YOUR CHOICE. DON'T MISS OUT. 9 HOURS LEFT TO ENTER!
Full transcription available at the bottom of this blog post.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey girl, welcome to episode 97 of the mompreneur mastermind show. I'm your host, Steph gas and hate and welcome. If I haven't met you, I am so excited that you're here in this podcast. You will find empowerment, education and transformation for the Christian mompreneur. And have you left a review yet? If you're a loyal listener, three episodes or more girl, pause this episode super quick, head on over to iTunes and leave me a review because this is how we get found. This is how the show gets ranked and rated and how we expand our sisterhood to touch more lives and help more women just like us. So before we dig into today's show, which is all about three simple changes that I've made to really help me be the best mom that I possibly can be. I want to read you the review of the week five stars and it's by grateful.
Kay. It was a God shot that I found Stef by accident. Just wanting to listen to something while I showered one day, her podcast sucked me in and I ended up bingeing on episodes. A couple of weeks later, I found myself enrolled in her podcast, pro university course and finished in a couple of days. I am ready to leave. The only thing is I'm expecting my third child any minute now, LOL, but this is all gonna work out. Thank you, Steph. I needed your show and your course XX, Calista. Thank you, Calista. I'm excited for you. I'm excited for your podcast and girls. If you have not again, leave that review. I appreciate you. And I love.
Yeah, what's up mama boss. Welcome back to the mompreneur mastermind show. I'm Stephanie gas, success strategist and passive income queen creator. If you're ready to step into your God, led potential, create profit from your passions and capture the success that is already yours. This podcast was made for you as always. You can find out more and connect with me over at stefaniegass.com. So grab that cup of coffee or fill up that glass of wine and let's dig in to today's show.
Okay guys, I am going off on what I typically talk about, which is business marketing, empowerment, all of those things. And we're going to go into the mama side of mompreneur today. And I was just kind of thinking recently about how I feel like I've finally found this groove when it comes to running this amazing brand and this show and coaching clients and having courses and doing all of those things and being a mom and I for so long, just felt the struggle bus, like the guilt load of wanting to work and feeling like I wasn't being present enough for them and not doing enough as a mama. And first all you have to look at yourself, right? It starts with an inventory of self. And after doing some soul searching to see why I was feeling that way, I decided that there were a couple of things that needed to change.
So I really made three simple changes in my life that have helped me to be a better mama. And I'm going to share those with you because I think these are changes that everyone can make. If you feel aligned with them. And if you're like me and you're running a business and you love work, and you're excited about the mission God's placed on your heart, but you also, you also know that your children deserve your time and attention and your fullest heart when you are spending time with them. So let's go through these three simple changes that were transformational for me, and I hope that they will to touch you and help you in your life. So number one was to stop blaming and projecting. So this one I think is easy for us or for me, at least, because I'm doing all the things, Kay, like let's just get real honest.
Let's drop all the fake little filters and let's talk about real life for a second. I'm working, I've got two little boys that, you know, I'm taking to. And from two different schools, I have contractors that work with me. I have clients, I take care of our household for the most part. My husband works full time and we have two, almost three acres of land. And so he does the entire outside thing, heavens and I do the inside, but I'm taking care of, you know, two kids plus the husband. So technically three kids, I'm doing all the laundry. Now, granted I am outsourcing our house cleaning and as much as I can and my business as well. So with what is on my plate, there were times where I would just feel super frustrated. Okay. I'm like at the end of this day, feeling like, okay, I haven't been able to complete the things on my to-do list.
I haven't gotten back to that client. Like I'm leaving money on the table because I don't have it enough time to do X, Y, Z, Z. You know, this is his fault or this is their fault. Or why does nobody help me? Like woe is me. You know, why can't they put their clothes in the hamper? Like all of the blame would creep in about why I didn't feel that I was successful enough. Okay. So when I really took a look at that, I recognized I had to first inventory self and say, why am I feeling this way? I realized that I had this timeline on what I wanted to achieve. And God put me in this season of being still recently, which you know, you guys have heard me talk about this and just recently finished up a period of fasting and prayer and through all those scripture verses and Holy spirit whispers, I just heard be still.
I kept seeing in my time, not in your time, right? It's not my timeline. And I realize I am the only one putting this pressure on myself. I'm creating these deadlines. No one's telling me I have to make X amount of dollars by whatever date. No one's telling me I have to have X amount of posts up on Instagram. No one's telling me that I have to be batched out two months ahead of time on the show. Those are self-imposed. And because I was self imposing all of this pressure on myself to be this success story, quote unquote, and that's the three and me, it's very natural for me to be a go getter and to achieve and to strive for more and more and more. But I have to check myself because going for more and more and more does not equal happiness and success.
That equals burnout. That equals frustration. That equals projection. And I recognized that I was projecting on my family because of my own self-imposed idea of where I should be. So I threw that out the window guys like ladies, if this is you and you're feeling snappy and frustrated and you are always wanting to go, go, go, and everyone else is in your way. I want to challenge you to ask yourself, where are you going in such a hurry. God whispered that in my ear. And I'll tell you something in the last two months or so. I'm just chilling. Like I'm still working hard. Okay. I am still power hour during the heck. Out of my day, I'm still batching out episodes. But when that time block is done in my planner, I'm done. And if I don't get to work one day or two days or three days a week, it's not like, Oh my gosh, you're failing at life.
It's like, Hey, that was awesome. Like, I'm so proud of you for just resting for, you know, doing whatever for going outside and soaking in sunshine or going to run an errand with your kids or go to lunch. So number one was to stop blaming and self imposing these deadlines and then not projecting on everyone else. Cause I would project all of that pressure on them, which created what animosity frustration, little cat fights, all of those things, which to me, and that's not just towards my kids. I was also towards my husband. So I think that's the first step of me lately, feeling like I'm doing such a better job at just being the mama that I want to be. Number two, I started fasting social media on weekends and I was calling this social media detoxing. And then I realized during my food fast that I was doing that we have to silence the idols in our lives.
And social media is one of the biggest false idols that I see people bowing down to getting on every single day, being a slave to it, being addicted to it, putting it first, opening that before we open scripture, looking at our phones, instead of looking at her children's faces while we have dinner across the table from them. And I really had a heart check about this. It's been a while for this one, four or five, six months ago. And I just decided after doing fasting on social media here and there and the like just loving it, like feeling so free and liberated and refreshed. When I got back, I decided I'm going to do it every single weekend. And I started doing that, deleting the apps for Instagram and Facebook off of my phone. And I mean, it was the most transformational thing for me as far as being a more present parent. Like we talk about being present all the time, but are we really, are we truly present? I'd say yeah, yeah, I am. And yet still be checking my phone, still be walking around with it.
Hey SIS, O M G I have the craziest news ever. This podcast has passed 50,000 downloads. That is such a milestone. A number that I wasn't sure I would ever hit a number. I was afraid to say out loud, but we've done it together. Thank you so much for listening with me, subscribing with me being a part of this mission with me. I appreciate you more than you could ever know. And cheers, because we are onward and upward. We are going to continue pouring into this together, growing together and working on the call that God has placed in each of our hearts to celebrate this amazing win with you. I have set up the 50 K giveaway. You can win the course of your choice. That's right. And I have six or something. Courses six or seven. I always forget everything from Facebook ads to Facebook funnels to setting up a podcast, to uncovering your God led calling with passionately profitable to Instagram.
I mean, there is a course for you. All you have to do to be entered to win. The course of your choice is three simple steps that will take you less than five minutes. Step one, go to iTunes and leave a written review for the mompreneur mastermind show, screenshot your review and DM it to me on Instagram. Do it before you submit, because it takes 24 hours for these reviews to show up. Step two is to take a screenshot of your very favorite episode posted in your Instagram stories. Tag me at Stephanie gas, hashtag the mompreneur mastermind show. Third and last is to follow me on Instagram while you're entered. It's literally that easy. This is me celebrating this huge one with you. This is me thinking you, this is the best thing I could think of to celebrate this incredible milestone with every single one of you go get registered and entered ASAP. So
When I was able to delete these apps, I found that I was able to silence that idol for me and recognize that I don't need this. I don't need anything, but God to fuel me to keep me happy, to keep me sane, to keep me fed, to keep me fueled and social media. It's important for all of our businesses. It's fun. It's an amazing way for us to connect and have community and build relationships, but it should not be on our mind all day, every day, it's wrong. And we've let it become this big piece of who we are. And I challenge all of you. I had this big heart check because when I looked at my children and recognize that they were reaching for the phone and that they always wanted to be wondering where the phones were and things like that. It's like that's learned behavior, okay.
Children do not do what we say. They do what we do. And do we want to create little humans that when they get married to their spouses and they have kids, their heads are buried in social media, looking at everyone else's lives and ignoring their own. I don't think so. I didn't want that. So I decided to delete the apps every weekend and I feel happy and present and filled. And I noticed a shift in everyone's behavior. My kids' behavior, my patients, all of our kindness, our bond as a family is so much better. And it's something I'm going to continue to do is fast slash detox every weekend from social media. And it's just made me feel so much better as a mom. I feel so great about where I'm at with social media. And so if you're feeling bad or guilty about social media, again, inventory of self pray, and then recognize that you need nothing in your life, but God to fuel you and social media is just an app.
So get rid of it every now. And then the third thing for me, it was, I started asking for more help. Now about a year ago, I was doing everything. I was a full-on solo preneurial I mean, running my social media, editing my own podcast, you know, taking care of my kids 24 seven. I was just doing all the things, all, all, all the things. Okay. And then doing my own graphic design, all of it. And then I started to feel whenever I start to feel like this high pressure or like I'm so flustered every single day feels like I'm running out of time. It's like, I can't do anything. Well, you know, you're at the law of the lid. Okay. So about a year ago, I found myself at the law of the lid, which means I was the bottleneck in this business. It wasn't going to grow it.
Wasn't going to scale. I had just started the show and I knew this podcast. It takes time. Okay. I mean, this show, it takes, you know, I don't know, four hours a week on a good week. And I decided something has to give, I'm not being the best mama I can be. If I have to work all the time while my kids are here, a little bit is fine. Like right now, my son is sitting behind me playing ABC mouse, doing his learning app. And I'm recording this show, which is totally cool. The other kiddo is napping, but that shouldn't be the status quo. And I recognized that I was feeling guilty because I had to set them aside and work on my business because we have to, sometimes we can't just always wear the mama hat. So I decided I was going to start asking for more help with them.
There's so many ways for them to have more fun than sitting here watching mama work every day. So I started to utilize my gym daycare, which I've talked to guys about this every day. I would leave them in there for an extra hour while they played. And I got more work done. I started asking my dad to watch the little one while miles was in school. And so that freed up, you know, multiple hours a week, I then decided to put miles on the bus, home from school. And let me share this story with you all, because I think this is really important. If any of you are moms. I mean, obviously if you're listening to this episode, you're a mom or going to be a mom or ready to be a mom or a grandma. I would pick up Landon at one and then I would have this awkward hour and a half before I'd go pick up my older son miles from his school.
And it was too far from the house to like go home and then come back. So what did I do guys? I went to trader Joe's. I'm like 50 bucks here, went to Ross. Ooh, look at these cute workout pants that you totally don't need. Another 20 bucks here. And I'm like, this is not beneficial to our bank account, to my productivity. I could be spending this time working like Landon isn't napping. So he's really grumpy. This isn't working. You have to think about what is not working in your life and come up with a solution. There is a solution for every problem that you're facing today. Every single one, you may be afraid of the solution like I was. And I'll take you through that in a moment where you may be unsure of how, how do I get to the solution? But here is the reality of it is any single thing you're facing.
There is a way to make it better and it starts with prayer and it starts with getting resourceful and asking for help. So I'm there. I'm super frustrated. It's like day three of him being in school. And I recognize that there's this other option. All of the other half of his class is being walked to the school bus and placed on the school bus, set them in the front rows. And I'm watching that. And I'm like, well, that doesn't look so bad. And then I immediately shut it down. And I started judging myself. You can pick him up. If you put him on the bus, you're a bad mom. He's too young to ride the bus. The bully's gonna hang him out of the window. I'm sure. Like what if the bus crashes like this is ridiculous. Stephanie, I can't believe you're even thinking about this.
And then again, inventory of self I'm, like, why would I be a bad mom for putting him on the bus of all he wants to ride the bus? Second of all, the bus route from the school to the house is he's on there for 15 minutes. He's like the second stop. Thirdly, as a kindergartner, he's walked to the bus set in the front row and then I have to physically get him off of the bus, a guardian. He is safe at all times. And this allows me to put land into nap, work for two and a half more hours than I'm getting right now and be gone five minutes from my house to pick him up down the street at the bus stop. How is this not a massive win? And I almost self-sabotage my own life, my own productivity, my peace of mind, my happiness and what I really want and desire to do, which is to continue pouring into my mission that God gave me, which is touching and teaching all of you.
And I did it. You guys, I took everything in me not to follow that school bus day one, but I decided to set aside self judgment and trust that God had created this solution for us. And he whispered it into my heart because I noticed it that day. And I prayed over it and made sure that it felt in alignment. And here we are three weeks in and it is like the best thing ever. So being a better mom also means finding solutions that work for me and my family. And for you, what are the things you're struggling with as a mom? Are you the only one watching your kids 24 seven, maybe there's another opportunity for you to get some help or do you not get to see your kids because you have the full-time job and the side hustle and they're in daycare 24 seven.
Maybe there's another option there for you. I want you guys to think outside your current situation, inventory of self, what needs to change for you to feel like you are being the mom that God called you to be, and then take the action to make it happen. You can think about getting off social or you can do it. You can think about asking people to help you out with the kids so that you can get more done and feel great about the growth and strides you're making in your life and your business. You can decide that to be the best mom you could be. You need to get in shape and eat healthy. We'll get in shape and eat healthy, throw away the junk food, purge your kitchen, get rid of the stuff in the pantry. That's processed and artificial. Like why do you feel that you are lacking in certain areas, inventory those things, write them on a sheet of paper and then draw a direct line over to the new solution that you are giving yourself permission to implement.
Because the only way you can be the best mama that you want to be in, the God wants us to be is by making changes in the areas that are not fitting you anymore. Okay. For example, I was feeling really weird that my kids never eat vegetables. And I just decided, well, I'm not feeding vegetables because they just won't eat it. I'm not making changes. So I started making them eat two carrots with their meals, and guess what? I feel better. I feel like I'm being a more successful mama. Having my kids eat vegetables. They're not hating it because I'm not imposing or forcing them to eat the ones they don't like. You know, snuck the veggies into the veggie fries. I buy quote-unquote their carrot, fries and zucchini fries. I bought the juice boxes that are veggie blends. So I'm doing what I can.
And that makes me feel like a more successful mom. Now, the things that make me feel like a great mom are going to be different. The things that make you feel like a great mom, but the point of this episode is to take you guys through the things that I am finding and hope that it inspires you to make similar changes or at least to look at your relationship with your kiddos and challenge yourself to make hard changes sometimes. And sometimes looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying, there's something that I need to do. Like for me, it was delete social media on the weekends. It's uncomfortable and it makes you feel afraid, but that's why you have to do it. And of course, pray over those things, ask God to help you give you the strength to move forward. That's it. I hope this episode was helpful for you.
And I want to pray over you now, mama, that you know, you're doing an incredible job that God has equipped you with everything you need to raise these humans in his light, in his kingdom and bring up these little world changers. I pray that you cover your children daily in warring angels that go out there and fight on their behalf. I pray that you cover your children and health, happiness, wellness, kindness, patience, and love. And you ask God to work through them as vessels for him, that they can go out and be changers of nations. I pray momma that you have patience and love in your heart. And you remind yourself, you remind yourself that you are living with these kids and you are living for these kids and you do whatever God calls you to do to make yourself the best fueled mama that you can be praying over. UNISIS as always love and light, Stef.
Lots of fancy unused education. Podcast Coach, Clarity Coach, & Top #25 Ranked Podcast Host for Christian Entrepreneurs.