My Biggest Fear? That I'd poop on the table...
Haha!!! KEEP READING...
The worst 4 letter word of them all? FEAR.
I like to think I’m pretty brave… but I’ve been more fearful in the last 3 months than I have been in years.
From scheduling my surgery to sharing something so personal and venerable with the entire world, to the actual surgery, to silly things like going back to the gym and worrying about what I should say about where I’ve been.
Here’s what I’ve come to realize about FEAR.
Fear of what’s to come is so much worse than the actual thing we are afraid of. We let our minds run wild, all the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios start molding together, creating an ominous, scary prediction of what is to come.
Then, the thing we are so afraid of happens and it’s like… oh… that’s it? That wasn’t so bad. Days, or even months, or even years frozen in fear when you could just get it over with and move forward…
Why do we allow FEAR to consume us, freak us out, keep us up at night, make us anxious, and scare us when it’s nothing more than a bad feeling our brain manifested?! The perceived FEAR isn’t what’s actually going to happen.
Are you with me? Is this making sense? For you visual humans (like me….)
Here are some examples:
Fear: I was TERRIFIED to share with the world about my upcoming surgery. I was sure they were going to judge me, talk about me behind my back, and I was embarrassed. I can’t share because it will hurt my business or my husband’s business because everyone will think I’m shallow or think badly of me… and on and on. I held back on sharing for MONTHS. Thought about it Every. Single. Day. What if, but… should I…
Reality: Took a deep breath and opened my heart and shared my story. Within hours of the podcast episode and the social media posts, my inbox was flooded. EVERYONE was so kind, understanding, supportive, and loving. I received countless personal messages from women and mamas who were going through something similar and they all shared how much my bravery impacted them, and helped them.
Fear: Undergoing surgery. I could die. What if they botch me forever? What will happen to my family? I might bleed to death, or they could leave a tool inside me (this is my brain people….) And honestly? My biggest fear? Was pooping on the table. Go figure.
Reality: Surgery was 100% fine. I went under with a clam peacefulness, surrounded myself in prayer and protection, and woke up 3 hours later. No major issues... and I’m still alive. Winning! And my results exceeded all of my expectations!
Fear: The recovery process. Who will clean my house and take care of my kids while I’m recovering? How will I lift Landon out of his crib? Will the laundry take over my house? What if my business suffers because I can’t work? Will I lose all of my muscle mass and endurance? What will I tell everyone at the gym?
Reality: Recovery was HARD the first 4 days. I mean in tears with pain, migraines, and sleeplessness kinda horrible. But the length of the recovery was WAY shorter than anticipated. I healed super fast and felt back to myself within 2-3 weeks. It was so much fun to binge Netflix and chill. I didn’t work much, I enjoyed my bed and the R&R. Also, my family stepped up big time. My mom took care of me while my husband took care of the kids. Husband even did dishes and laundry and my house didn’t get crazy. Everything was totally fine. And… no one at the gym even flinched when I walked in today. They were like oh hey girl, welcome back! No questions, just love.
Here are 3 steps to managing fear so that you can breathe easy, trust the process, and let go and let God:
1) Give yourself permission to feel the FEAR for a moment. “Hey Stef, I know this is scary and it’s okay to feel nervous and unsure. But remember, you are covered in God’s protection and his love. You are going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
2) Recognize your FEARS as simple thoughts, not reality. Make a list of what you are scared of and the worst-case scenarios. Talk yourself through why those are simply thoughts and re-frame.
3) Talk your fear through with a positive, supportive friend, spouse or coach. Having someone else walk through this fear with you and allow you to get it off your chest is not only comforting, it’s liberating.
4) Take action. If you can, get the THING you are scared of over with!!!! That’s why I always go FIRST when public speaking, because I know it’s not that bad and the anticipation only makes my anxiousness grow. Just do it! It shortens the time you are able to feel scared, and shows you that girl, you got this.
5) Accept that FEAR is a part of life. A part of success, a part of motherhood. The good thing is, now know you can manage it, and how to navigate the journey from fear to.. wow, I did it!
Come join me on the show to learn about conquering, managing and understanding fears! Meet ya there.
Love and light,
P.S. Wanna be featured in my IG stories?! Take a screenshot and post it up in your stories! Tag me, @stefaniegass and #themompreneurmastermindshow
Full transcription available at the bottom of this blog post.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey girl. Hey, welcome to episode 63 of the show today, we're going to talk about the worst four letter word, ever fear. I'm going to take you through some things that I've been afraid of recently, but then most importantly, how we can navigate these fears and grow forward so that they don't consume us. We can just realize that fear. Honestly, it's something that we are manifesting in our brain and we are allowing society and all of the, what ifs to totally freak us out and make us more scared than we need to be. So it's going to be really good and I hope you totally enjoy today's show, but before we dig into it, I want to read you the review of the week. This review is left by, Oh, captain, my captain it's titled refreshing, and it's a five star review. I just started listening to Stefanie and I really am feeling refreshed and so inspired.
She's so real and genuine sharing exactly how I feel in my heart about my business and what legacy I want to leave. I would highly recommend this podcast for any woman, looking for direction, for where to grow their brand and influence for the most impact. Thank you, my friend, these reviews you guys. They light me up. They lift me up. They help encourage the show and they help us get really amazing guests and further our mission of helping other mompreneurs grow scale of brand online, live to their fullest potential and realize that balance. Isn't a dream that they actually can have it all. So if you haven't left a review, head on over to iTunes, do it, do it. Now you rock sister, friend. Thank you so much.
What's up mama boss. Welcome back to The Mompreneur Mastermind Show. I'm Stefanie Gass, success strategist and passive income queen creator. If you're ready to step into your God, led potential, create profit from your passions and capture the success that is already yours. This podcast was made for you as always. You can find out more and connect with me over at stefaniegass.com. So grab that cup of coffee or fill up that glass of wine and let's dig in to today's show. Okay, let's talk about out the worst four letter word that there ever was. I don't know if you feel me on that, but it's fear F E a R. Okay. Listen. I like to think that I'm pretty brave, but in the past three months, at the time of recording this, I have been more fearful and afraid than I have been in many years of my life.
And I'm talking, you guys, obviously, you know, about my surgery. So from admitting that I'm removing these 13 rolled breast implants, like I actually to go and find a doctor to do this full of anxiety surrounding that. Who am I going to go to? Then I go online and I'm hearing all of these horror stories and I'm just so full of fear about the entire process. Then I have to actually schedule a surgery and think about it for months before it actually happens every day. I would think about it. What if, but what happens when? And just all the things that totally consume my brain, then I started to be scared and fearful around sharing this story. And I went back and forth between, should I share it? Should I just keep it in? What are people going to think of me? Are they going to judge me?
And, Oh my gosh, I'm just so terrified to speak my truth regarding breast implants. Like it's such a hard topic and it's something that people sweep under the rug and it was, it was just really scary for me. Then I had silly stuff. I was scared of like, when I leave the gym for eight weeks, what the heck are people going to say? Are they going to talk behind my back? I'm so worried about what they're going to say to me. When I come back and ask, Hey, Steph, where have you been for the past eight weeks? Like all of those thoughts just consuming me on a daily basis. And after navigating all of that for the past 90 days here is what I've come to realize about fear. The fear of what's to come is so much worse than the actual thing that we are afraid of.
We let our minds just run wild. Okay, you get this thing. That's, that's coming up. Like for example, okay, I've got to have surgery, right? And you let all of the, what ifs and the worst case scenarios. And they start meshing together and they start to create an ominous, scary prediction of what's to come. And we're living in this fear and all of these. What if some we're letting them play out in our mind over and over again. And we're telling our subconscious that these fears are real. And then these fears start to affect our daily life. We're held back in fear or nervous or anxious. We're snapping at our kids. We are not eating right. We aren't sleeping well. And it's literally consuming our health and our sanity. Then my friends, the thing that we are so afraid of it finally gets here. Okay.
It happens. And it's like, Oh, that's it. It wasn't so bad. Like I got through this, I made it to the other side. This too shall always pass. And here we are days or even months or even years frozen and fear when we could just get it over with and then move forward and release it. You know, my question is why do we allow fear to consume us, to freak us out, to keep us up at night, make us anxious and scare us. When fear in essence is nothing more than a bad feeling that our brain has manifested. Like, think about that. Your brain created a feeling based on what ifs and all the sudden that's real. No, it's a perceived fear and it isn't even going to happen. Most likely, you know, like the worst case scenario rarely ever plays out. Are you with me?
Is this making sense? So for you visual humans like me, I'm super visual. Let me walk you through some examples. I'm going to go through the fear with you. Something that I was personally afraid of, and then the reality of what actually happened and why it was so ridiculous for me to live in this state of fear. So here's example, number one, fear. I was terrified to share with the world about my breast implant X plant. Say that three times fast. I was so scared because I wasn't sure how all of you, how everybody on social media, my acquaintances, people in my family, like some of those people didn't even know I had breast implants in the first place. So what were they going to say? Were they going to judge me? Were they going to call me and want to talk about it? Which is fine, but what if are they going to, you know, think that I was shallow and you know, what are all the things that are going to happen surrounding the judgment of me coming out and being public about this?
I was just embarrassed. I can't share because it's going to hurt my business. People. Aren't going to hire me because of this, or it's going to hurt my husband's business. He's in this, you know, management position at this really fancy company and all these people are friends with me on social media. And, Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. They're going to think I'm shallow you guys on and on and on. I held back for sharing my truth about this surgery. For months, I scheduled my surgery in November of 2018. I did not share my story until February of 2019 for months, I let it eat at me. I let it just consume my thoughts, all of the fears and the what ifs, just manifesting and growing like a sickness in your heart. Okay. That's the fear. That's what happened for me. Here's the reality.
I took a deep breath. One day. He asked God for courage. I prayed on. I said, dang, it today's the day. Like I am so tired of hiding behind. Should I, could I, would I, and I can't get through this surgery without sharing with people. Like, I feel like I can help someone. I feel like this story needs to be heard. I'm sick of people hiding their truth because they are afraid. And I want to step out and be that beacon for women who have something scary to share and show them that if I can do it. So can you and I clicked post and I clicked record on this podcast. And within hours of the podcast, episode airing and the social media posts, my inbox was flooded. My DMS were Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Right? And literally everyone was so kind. They were so understanding.
They were so supportive and loving. And I even received countless messages, personal messages from other women and mamas who were going through something similar. And they all shared how much, this brave story impacted them and helped them make a choice in their own life. I mean, hello. Like I should have shared it the day I booked the surgery. I could have avoided all of that fear by just claiming my truth and sharing my story. Okay. So that all of those fears were totally unnecessary because it didn't end up being anything like the story I had written in my head, does this sound familiar? Here's another one fear. I was afraid of actually undergoing the surgery. But what if I die? What if I'm botched forever? You know what will happen to my family? If I die, what if I bleed to death? What if they leave a tool beside me?
And then I have to go back under surgery? Like this is my brain people. This is my brain. And honestly, you guys want to know my biggest fear. I don't think you want to know, but I'm going to tell you anyway, it was pooping on the table. I'm like, they're going to put me under. I'm not going to know what's happening and what if I poop on the table? Seriously? Okay. That got awkward. But that was a huge fear that I had. And I just thought about this every day. Wake up, worry about the surgery. Drive my husband crazy. Cause I want to talk about it 30 times a day. He's like, it's going to be fine. But here I am letting my internal narrative run the show, letting my little, fearmonger say Stephanie, there's something to be so afraid of here. When in reality, like God's got my back and what's going to happen is going to happen.
And I need to just breathe and trust this process. Okay. And inevitably, I'm going to end up on the other side of that surgery. So worrying about it. What is that doing for me? Here's the reality. I underwent surgery March 13th of 2019, went in and I had this calm, peacefulness. I surrounded myself in prayer and protection and went under, I woke up three hours later. There was no major issues. Surgery was a hundred percent fine and Hey, I'm still alive. Hi, I'm still here. Listen. And my results. They exceeded all my expectations. I'm not botched winning. So reality is that all of that worrying was totally unnecessary. And Anita, because the story I created in my brain had nothing to do with the reality of how surgery was going to go. Here's another one example, fear the recovery process. I was so afraid because I had heard all these horror stories.
It's going to take three months. It's going to be a mess. Kay. I was so scared. Who's going to clean my house. Who's going to take care of my kids. How am I going to get land? And out of his crib, will the laundry just take over my house? I mean, what if my business suffers because I can't take any clients or work, will I lose all my muscle mass and endurance from the gym? What am I going to tell everybody? Because I'm going to be missing from the gym for so long. Oh, my word you guys like on and on. And yes, I know I'm a control freak. It's one of my weaknesses and not knowing was the most scary part for me not knowing what this recovery process was going to look like. So I lived in that fear every day yet again, letting my little brain go crazy.
But here was the reality of what happened. Yes. Recovery was really hard the first four days. I mean, tears in pain, migraines, sleeplessness, that kind of hard. Okay. But the length of the actual, you know, total recovery, it was way shorter than anticipated. I healed super fast and I felt back to myself within two to three weeks. And honestly it was so much fun to do nothing. I binge Netflix. I chilled, I didn't really work much unless I felt like it. I enjoyed my bed. I enjoy being waited on by my mama, my husband, he stepped up big time. He took care of the kids. He even did the dishes and the laundry, my house totally stayed kind of organized. It didn't get crazy. And everything was totally fine. No one at the gym, even flinched, by the way, when I walked back in yesterday, they were like, Oh, Hey girl, what's up?
Welcome back. There were no questions. Just love. Right? So again, all of these, what ifs and worst case scenarios, what are they doing to you for you to your feelings, your emotions, the expectations of what's to come, the actual thing you're so afraid of. And if you look at all of my examples here of going through one of the most scariest things in my life, they all turned out fine. And there was zero reason to focus on these fake manifested fears. So here are three steps that I'm going to use from now on. And I hope that these help you to kind of navigate when you're scared so that you can breathe easy and trust the process and really let go and let God, because everything is under control. Right? Actually there's five steps. I don't know. I said three. Okay. Number one, give yourself permission to feel the fear.
Okay. Hey staff. I know this is scary and it's okay to feel nervous and unsure, but remember you are covered in God's protection and his love, you are going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. So give yourself permission. Don't get mad at yourself and say, Oh, like, why am I scared? Stephanie said, I should never be scared. No, you're going to feel scared. And that's okay. And I think you want to feel into that for a moment because your emotions are there for a reason and you never want to stifle an emotion or hide that emotion, let it out, feel into it for a minute. Okay. But then number two, I want you to recognize your fears as simple thoughts, not as your actual reality. Okay. As I depicted above and all of those examples make a list of what you are scared of.
You can even write down what are the worst case scenarios and the lies you're telling yourself surrounding the thing actually happening, and then talk yourself through why those are simply thoughts and reframe them. For example, I could have said, one of my fears is undergoing surgery. I'm afraid of this because I might die. I might bleed to death. My past surgeries when I had my C-sections are really scary. And I don't want it to be like that. I'm afraid if I die, I will leave my kids behind. Like you have to look at those fears and then say, are those things really going to happen here now? Sure. Yes. There's always a probability. The worst case scenario might happen. But in reality, you can reframe those things and say, I'm unsure about the upcoming surgery, but I am so grateful that I am at peace.
That God is with me. He has covered me in protection that my family is supporting me. Now that I'm going to be healthy and I'm going to have a faster recovery. The doctor is going to be covered in God's strength, and he's going to do an amazing job. And I'm going to wake up and be so excited to be on the other side of this. Like what beliefs are you surrounding? The actual thing that you're afraid of in, is it negativity and horror stories or is it positivity, love and light number three. Talk your fear through, with a positive supportive friend, spouse coach, having somebody else walk through your fear with you and allowing it to just get it off your chest. And essence is not only comforting, but it's liberating. If I would have stifled this and never told all of you, I would always have felt like I had a secret, this dark burning black secret that I could can ever share people like, Oh, did you lose weight?
Yeah. One and a half pounds of a silicone and saline. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, just be honest. Okay. The story own your truth. The truth is always going to set you free. We've heard that. I don't know who said it, but whoever said that, you're amazing. The truth will set you free. Okay. So just talk your fear through, with someone. And I did, and I talked through it with one of my best friends and she was like, you remember when you told me to share my heart stories, I'm like, dang it. Now I got to share this. Right. Even talk through with my husband. And he's like, yeah, share it. Like, if it makes you feel like you're going to help somebody and you feel strongly about it, you should share it. So talking it through really helps. Number four, take action.
If you can get the thing you are scared of over with, this is why I always go first. When I'm public speaking, I'm like, hi, can I go first? I'm like that creepy girl in the front row, hand goes up. Can I talk, can I talk? Because I know it's not that bad to actually do it. But the anticipation is what makes my anxiousness grow. It's what makes me nervous. So I would rather just get it over with, just do it. And then I can sit back, relax and listen to everybody else. I realized you can't always do this, but if you have the opportunity to just do the thing, just do it. And you're going to see that. It's not that bad girl. You got this. And it shortens the amount of time. You're able to feel scared last step number five, except that fear is a part of life.
Okay? It's a part of success. It's a part of motherhood. It's a part of being a great friend. It's a part of being vulnerable on social media. It's a part of scaling your brand. Like fear is inevitable. The good thing is you can manage fear and you can navigate it in a way that is wrapped in positivity. You can change your mindset around the things that you are afraid of. And then by taking action, you can actually retrain your brain to have a higher tolerance for fear. The things that used to scare me, guys, they no longer do. I used to literally have a panic attack. When I had to do public speaking. Now I'm like, hi, I'm here and ready to public speak. Like I'm, don't even flinch. It took a couple of years of practice, but as you retrain your brain and you actually do the thing, you're afraid of more and more and more, and you practice and you get better at it and you grow your confidence level and maybe you fail a couple times and tweak your process and you get better.
That's how you can overcome fear in the future and you're growing. Okay? So that is my takeaway on fear. I hope that those steps were helpful for you and just know that if you're scared of something right now, you are not alone. I think we are all scared of something, but it's controlling the fears. That is so important. Thanks for joining me, boss, girlfriend, drum roll, please. I want you to know that we have dozens of women launching their podcast, and it's so exciting. People are scaling there, your brand, they're pouring their heart and their mission into their niche. And I believe podcasting is the number way to grow a community of people that you can help. Hey, and guess what? You can monetize your podcast. Believe me. I had tried everything from YouTube channel to pouring hours and hours and hours of content into social media, to starting a blog to thousands of dollars on Facebook ads.
And guess what grew me the fastest, this Berry podcast, because it showcases that I'm a real human being that you guys can laugh with. You can enjoy all of my, my knowledge and my testimonies. And you get to know me at a much deeper level. And so podcasting, I believe is the wave of the future. I'm even going to go as far as to say, it's the new video. So if you are considering starting a podcast, I want you to come and watch my free training. It's 45 minutes. It's going to answer every single question you have about if you should start your own podcast. So come on over, save your seat at Bitly slash 10 steps to podcasting the number 10 Bitly slash 10 steps to podcasting praying over you mama. Today. Now that you find a way to navigate your fears, that whatever you're afraid of, you write them down.
You take a look at them and you understand that these are lies that your brain is telling you and that you don't have to live by those lies. You don't have to let fear control you anymore. Ask God to take your hand and navigate those fears with you so that you can grow forward and leap to the other side. Take action. I pray for your courage that, you know, you will get to the other side of this fear and you're going to be better for it. And you are going to be stronger and you're going to grow that tolerance to fear. I'm cheering for you. I'm here for you as always love and light Steph, Hey mama, real quick. Before you go, if you found value in today's podcast and you learn something new, if you'll head over to iTunes, the mompreneur mastermind show and leave a review and subscribe to the channel, that would be awesome. And I love to connect with you over on social media. My handle is at Stephanie gas. I'll see you soon. Praying, light, love and abundance until next time.
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