Let's talk about motherhood and emotional resilience, shall we? Motherhood is HARD sometimes... but I want you know that you can make the most of this magical and short journey. It's time to become emotionally resilient so you can rock both motherhood and life.
Huge thank you to Lara Schulte from Generation Mom for blessing us with her gifts today!
I know you'll love this one.
Full transcription available at the bottom of this blog post.
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Huge thank you to my amazing guest, Lara Schulte from Generation Mom for blessing us with her gifts today! You can connect with her on her website http://laraschulte.com and her podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/generation-mom/id1399768538
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Welcome back to the mompreneur mastermind show, where we choose to run insanely successful, passive income businesses that light us up while consuming iced coffee Rawless and flawless, and maybe breaking it down to some gangster rap while our kids aren't looking. Did we just become best friends? Yes. Yes we did. Hey, I'm Stephanie gas, six figure corporate exec turned top 1% network marketer turn podcaster. I believe when we let God light our path, we experienced true miracles. Welcome sister. Let's get pumped up for today's show
Hi Steph. It's so nice to talk to you too. We just connected on your podcast generation mom and had so much fun and I'm like, girl, you got to come on my show and talk all the things mom over here. No, I've loved it. And I feel like we did. We had like such great natural chemistry and alignment in our thinking we did. So let's start by, you know, everyone heard your bio before we got into this, but I want them to hear in your own words, kind of who you are. Tell us a little bit about how you have navigated into doing what you do now. Sure. So my name's Mara, as you have said, and I live in San Diego, California, and I'm actually from San Diego. So there's not many of us that are full on natives. There's a lot of transplants here to come out here.
But yeah, so I'm a native and my husband, I have been together for 15 years. We met when we were 18 and fortunately I have just grown together through the past 15 years and I'm really, really grateful that I met somebody at a young age that I could grow with and we've changed a ton. So just being able to do that together has been, I think the foundation of who I am. So we also have two little boys Sawyer in Sutton and they're little they're 18 months apart. And right now they are two and nine months old. And yeah, as far as my history and my career and all that. So when I graduated from college, about 12 years ago, I went into a sales career and kind of, because that's just what was available at the time. You know, we were just sitting like that, but the recession, it was hard to get a job.
It was hard to, for a lot of people to keep a job. And so I just kind of did what I could to keep a job and stay in sales and get through the hard seasons and kind of learn a lot about life through that career. So I was in sales for a good, and I was kind of getting to this point where, and I think stuff, you had a very similar experience where it was like, all right, I am con I'm very accessible. I'm one of the most successful people in my company. And I am getting to a point where I'm kind of at a fork in the road, like, do I continue on in this career that doesn't really fulfill me, but I make good money or do I kind of figure out what I want to do and not really having clarity on what it was that I wanted to do that was going to fill my heart and fill my cup.
So I kind of sat on this for a year or two kind of going back and forth, thinking about different things that I wanted to do. And it was really at the point where I was going into an executive role and I was looking at the people that I'd be working with and who I would be leading. And I was very frustrated because the way that the company I worked for, they were really, really good at like doing a lot of like personal development and team training type of things, but they never really implemented things. And I would get really frustrated because it was like, we are getting such great information. Why isn't anybody actually doing what we're being taught you being successful. And I know that you felt this way as well. You were oftentimes put as like the person on the pedestal, like everybody needs to look like this in order to be successful.
And I didn't believe that because I saw that my peers had tons of talent that was just being overlooked and missed and not utilized. And I was very, very frustrated. So given what I was learning from the courses that they've put us through, it's like, I don't believe this. And I don't want to lead a team with other managers that, that believe that too, like that things are so black and white, because I didn't think that that was, I felt like it was really gray. So I quit that job. And I asked God, what I said to him was send me an opportunity where I can just flourish and figure out what it is that I really want to do with my life and give me a job that where I can still make money, but have more time to do that. So I, wasn't stuck, you know, at a 60 hour work week sales job, and I could figure out what I wanted to do and I'm not joking.
Literally. I remember sitting in my car and saying that prayer on a Friday, on Monday or Tuesday, it was Memorial day weekend. So I think it was Tuesday. I get a phone call from a friend saying, Hey, I have this client. That's looking for somebody just like you. It's a work from home job. It's remote. It's going to give you so much time and you're still gonna make the same amount of money. It's like, this is amazing. Like I literally just said that prayer three days ago. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So I jumped into that job in four year. I worked on that job because I wanted to do my best there, but I also, in my free time, I was working on what it was that I really wanted do. And that's where I fell into coaching. And I told myself in a year from now, I still really want to do this.
Like you go, you get certified and you start a coaching business. So a year later that's exactly what happened. And one thing that I did do is I chose a certification program, which the school that I went to was called the youth Institute. And they specialize in something called the ultimate life tool, which really is an assessment test that looks at someone like, I know you're a big lover of Enneagram, so it's very similar to the Enneagram. But the Enneagram kind of lives within it. Cause it tells you so much more. So that ultimate life tool really broke down what a person was, not who they are and the experiences that make them, but what they are like naturally they are what their natural traits are and, and really how to utilize them. So anyhow, I studied this and then I brought it into my coaching and I was working with a lot of like business teams and educating them on each person can really contribute to the team and teaching managers how to treat each individual appropriately.
So they do work at their strengths rather than their weaknesses and really feel fueled. So I was doing that. And then I had my first child Sawyer and I took about six months off from going into businesses and working with individuals like on their careers. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. Like my heart is just not in the corporate space. And it's also like really time consuming and I need a way to reach people by the masses and where does my voice go more authentic? And that was in motherhood because motherhood for me is so transformative to who I am. And I mean, I'm sure you can relate like nothing prepares you.
Yeah. You're like, Oh wait, what's that in the world's not centered around me. This is crazy. Yeah.
So it was interesting. I'm so grateful that I learned and was studying what I had prior to having children because it helped me be a better mom. And I would look at what I would learn, what I learned and when I taught through the ultimate life tool and it taught me how to fuel my own cup, how to make sure that I'm fueled and energized and not depleted because as you know, motherhood is incredibly rewarding, but it also is incredibly depleting. So you do need to find a way to find some fulfillment outside of motherhood and, and really know what naturally gives you energy. So you can go and be the best mom. So I really leaned into what I was teaching other people, but just kind of did it to a different, like I thought of it differently. Cause it was motherhood and not the corporate world. So I started applying this to motherhood and it's like, Hmm, I want to have these conversations, you know, with, with other women, with other mothers and start coaching on their mothers. But I really didn't feel like I was an expert in the motherhood space at the time because I was a new mom. I mean, what do I know? I still don't know much.
Right. I don't think there is such thing as being an expert in motherhood.
Yeah. So what I did was I had a girlfriend at the time who is my partner on our podcast generation, not mom. Her name is Jen route. And we met in a baby group and we were having conversations all the time at baby group about things like how to get your kid to sleep through the night and how breastfeeding's going and all of those things. But we weren't talking about things like, Oh my gosh, like motherhood is really hard. And sometimes like, I just want to walk out and like, yeah, I'm done. And other times when my kids sleeping, like all I'm doing is scrolling through my phone, looking at pictures of him. And what is that feeling? What does that mean? Well, that's called maternal ambivalence. So we were just like, wait, nobody prepares you for maternal ambivalence. Like nobody's talking about this. So let's start talking about these things.
And I said, look like, I'm trying to find a way to kind of change and pivot my coaching. And she was looking for a creative outlet. And I said, let's have these conversations online where we can really kind of build a community to talk about these hard things. So that's where the generation at mom podcast came from. And now through that, I've started doing more motherhood coaching and cause we've kind of built an audience and Jen and I say, we are the guide. We are not the experts. So we bring on other mothers who have nobody's a full expert when it comes to motherhood, but they have pieces of expertise that can be applied to other heads. So we bring people on the podcast to talk about that and also on our Instagram community. And then from there, I'm now working as the motherhood coach and teaching women, how to really be the mom they want to be, and it's not just the mom. They want to be the woman. They want to be that woman in and outside of motherhood and taking what my knowledge is from using the ELT by coaching and applying that to motherhood. So helping women identify with themselves within motherhood and outside of motherhood, really identify with themselves as the woman they were before they were moms and also teaching them how to parent to their skillset and not somebody else's to their specific skillset.
Wow. That is so cool. I love your journey and I really love the niche that you girls have created because I have a good friend of mine. She's my best friend. And she always says she has an eight month old and she says, and she's a single mom. Why does no one teach you how to actually parent there are all of these classes for going into labor, going through birth hypnobirthing to eat the placenta, to not eat the placenta. Like there's all the things. And here I'm sitting with this baby by myself, not having any idea what to do now. I don't understand how I feel. And like, it's so funny that I'm like, well girl, I have the podcast for you. Like I'm going to send her to you guys. So that's so cool. So first of all, I'm really curious. Can you explain to us the concept of, you said, what did you say, motherhood, ambivalence, what did you say? Maternal ambivalence. So talk to us about that. Yeah.
So maternally ambivalent. So that was one of the first subjects that we ever talked about on the podcast. We actually should probably go and rerecord that because, you know, since it was one of our first subjects that actually not so good insight now as well, but I mean, yeah, maternal ambivalence is really just that emotion of like loving and hating motherhood at the exact same time and how it applies to anything. Like if you think about it, like we probably love and hate marriage at points too, or like love and hate having to cook dinner at night, you know, there's ambivalence and everything. Why aren't we talking about the ambivalence that exists within Parenthood and motherhood. And so it's kind of like this love, hate relationship where like, you really love it. It's the best thing ever, but it's also exhausting. It wears you out. You want to get, you want to escape at points. Like why is it to like super conflicting emotions? And let's just talk about normalize that
I really love that because that almost gives us the permission to go, Oh, I'm not alone here. This is actually a thing that every other mother in the entire world
Is feeling. Yeah.
And it's not a bad thing. It's not necessarily quote unquote a bad thing. So how do you navigate that? Like what are the things that you would tell someone that comes to you and they say I'm so like, I'm so frustrated and they're painting motherhood, there's pieces of motherhood and hating, and then there's pieces I'm loving. Like what do you tell someone about that? Like how to navigate those emotions? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, the first thing I always tell somebody is it's normal. Just like he just said, this is normal. Everybody experiences it. We might not be talking about it because we don't know how to talk about it, but it's normal. And thank you for saying something. The second thing I would say is let's really take a look at you and like what part of your life does not feel full that you missed, that you need to be filled, feel, feel fueled so you can enjoy those moments and motherhood better, or you can, and you can navigate those hard moments a little bit easier and not feel like you are just taking from an empty cup again and again. So that's what I would really do is I would sit down with her and I would say, look like, we need to look and identify like, what is it that naturally really fuels you? Like for me, and this is going to sound kind of silly, but I love to create order. I love to organize my closet. I like to make plans. I like
To organize itineraries, like in that kind of thing. Like that really fuels me. So girls speaking my language, make it color, coded lists, let's go. Yeah, exactly. And not that everybody has to have a job outside of being mom. Right. But like, I know when I'm having a really bad day or I'm having a hard time with the kids and like yesterday was a really not great day for me. And not because my kids, but kind of some external factors that were going on in life. I went and I took an hour and I dove into my work. And not because it's an escape, but because I know I love my work and I'm so passionate about it, that it was going to fuel me up. So I could then return to my kids after they woke up from their naps to be a present mother. Yeah. I love that concept too, because it's the concept of, you have to do the things that light you up so that you are spiritually fed to give more. Right. Because it's this idea of, Oh, hold on one second. I hear my human just a second. It's okay. Okay.
So that concept of being so fueled and I find too same with you. Like I'm so lit by my work that when I don't do that, I almost start to have this sense of resentment maybe. And I'm snapping and I'm feeling like, Oh, like I almost just wish I could have an hour. I just need an hour to go. And it's almost like I'm like refuel and then come back to you. And so it's finding those things for you or my workout class where I can escape for a second mentally disengaged from everything. No social, no like mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, right? Yeah. Yeah. And, Oh, my son is in the office. Son, can you take your project stuff to the living room? Speaking of children, it's great. It's so appropriate. It really is. It really is appropriate. And I always tell the moms to just sidebar.
I'm like ladies, when your kids come in and you're like doing a live or you're doing something and you are like screaming at them, do you realize how that looks like? Are you even being conscious of how you're speaking to them when you're hopefully not just when you're alone, but now you're on the air showing everyone else how you speak to him. It just breaks my heart. I'm like, don't apologize. Ever for your children being children like it's okay, they're gonna come in. They're going to run in the background. Like life is going to be just fine. And I bet you, if you don't scream and yell at them and you ask them kindly to wait for you or it always works out, it's always just fine. No, absolutely. And you know, it's funny, you know, sometimes you behave that way
Because you're not fueled B and you're acting out of your weaker side because you're not fueled like the kids they're constantly pulling at you and life is constantly pulling you in it in so many different ways. And you're not able to fill that cup. And I know we keep going. We talked about like the cup being filled in and not, but like, like really, like we have to think of ourselves like automobiles. And if we are running on empty, we're getting nowhere. And that is like, we are yelling. We are getting angry. You know, those types of behaviors, our weaknesses show up. So what I teach women to do is when you see yourself, your weaknesses show up, that's kind of a trigger point. And for you to know, okay, I got to switch this around. Like I got to turn this boat around and turn this attitude around.
And the easiest way is to just go, like, be really aware of what it is that fills you up. That is your strength. Right. And do that right away. So like I said, like for me, I like to organize. I like having an order. So like even like going and clean up my sock drawer, like maybe if I'm not getting somewhere trying to, to create order, like, let's say, I'm trying to get my kids ready and on schedule for the day and down for their naps. Like nothing's going according to plan, like I'm going to start to feel a loss of energy and I'm going to start to feel like my needs aren't being met because they're not being able to, you know, nothing's going according to schedule. And what happens is I start acting out with my weakness and, and what's interesting is like the weak side of needing to create orders actually manipulation because you start to manipulate things in order to create control.
Does that make sense? Absolute sense. Absolute sense. Yeah. So I know when I start acting manipulative, I'm operating out the weak side because I'm depleted of energy. So what can do, I need to go do to create energy for myself and to fuel my cup. And if you guys are struggling with like, what is it I know for me, Laura, I don't know about you, but it took me a minute to like figure those things out because I was at first, you know, and everyone's heard my story, like living for this network marketing career, that crumbled, then all this, okay, well, I'm still living fully for my kids. And then it was, wait a minute. Who do I really want to be me? Who do I want to be? If I took everything else out of this picture, take out the kids, take out the spouse, take it all out and say, just Stephanie, how do I want to feel?
What are the things that I would do? If it was just me here by myself, what are the activities I would do? How would I spend free time? And I went through these exercises and these kind of inner work that I needed to do and wrote on this piece of paper, who did I, I want to become. And that helped me. And then it was a lot of kind of playing with it. Cause I tried, like for example, I tried homework outs that never really worked for me. Then I tried walking outside and that was fine. But like then, Oh, it's the gym. It's these classes, it's this music environment with accountability. This is it. And so it was kind of that trial and error in each area of my life to find what was, what were the things that were fueling my soul, because I didn't really know.
So I don't know if you have any tips on that or you're like, did you go through that to kind of, well, it's funny. So I, I mentioned the ultimate life tool that I've been trained on. It's this human assessment test. So basically it breaks down just that for somebody. So it tells somebody, you know, how do they best connect and learn and communicate? It tells you what your strengths, your weaknesses, it tells you what your tolerance levels are. And so much more really. And so that's what I use to apply. Like with the women I work with, I just take that and I give them the test and then I'm like, alright, well, this is what I see in the first time I was given this test. I say, it's like an operation manual for your life and for who you are, because we're not born with that.
We have no idea. We're just born and there's no instructions. We're figuring it all out, just like parenting. Right. And anyhow, when I was given this test for the first time and handed it over, it truly felt like, Oh my gosh, I've never read anything more true about myself in my entire life. And I remember like highlighting it and handing it to my husband. And I was like, all the things about me are here. Do you want to understand who I am and do the things and what was that called again? The it's called the ultimate life tool. Is it free or is it like a thing it's not free? I can give you a discount code to take it. I think for, I don't remember what the percentage is us that I'll put it in the show notes for everyone. Because as you now I am personality tests, obsessed in anything.
I love all that stuff. I'm such a, like just such a nerd. I'm like, Ooh, look at this. And I like to see what my weaknesses are too, because then I can really be aware of those things. So. Okay. Sorry. Sidebar. Get back into your story. No, I'll give you that promotion code. And I'll also tell you that usually it's a $99 a test. Okay, cool. Yeah. And then, but it breaks down so much. And then of course that's the first step in working with me. If somebody wanted to, of course they have, that's it, that's it the first that's what you get just the test and it breaks down. It's, it's absolutely amazing. It changed my life and like I said, I gave it to my husband thinking that it was important for him to read, but it really wasn't important for him to read.
It was important for me to read and understand and really have clarification on myself because I knew like it taught me. Okay. How do I act when I am, you know, coming from depletion or at halt, are you familiar with that term? Halt, halt stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Oh, and if you think about it, we are at one of those at any point of the day, right? Like we will fill that in a day. So when you act at halt, you're actually prone to and subject to operating out of your weak sides. And so what's your weak side look like. So when you see yourself working out of those extends, what can you do to change that? So you do. And like I said, like, you know, for you and I, it might be creating an order or it might be sharing our talents and our knowledge, but the world that really fills us up, I think that we're, we're very similar, but for somebody else, it could be like, somebody else might really need alone time or someone else may really need to create change.
There's all different types of things that, that are, can be somebody's strength and, and being able to identify that is really simple because then you can just go and do an activity or do something to fill yourself up much quicker than feeling like I don't know what to do. Yeah. And sometimes it's as simple for me as I just need to go take a shower. Like I just need 10 minutes to just go take a shower. And I, I am just so refresh, just having like the quiet time, like a relaxation moment and there's even moments where I just need to just be quiet and shut my eyes for a second instead of like reacting and then get inside myself for a moment to really ask myself what's going on here. Like, why are you so frustrated? Why is everything they're saying bothering you?
Why are you on the verge of a breakdown what's going on? And a lot of times I can pinpoint it. It's something external from my kids. Right. It's something else, a business thing or a client thing, or I haven't worked out that day and I'm feeling bad about myself, maybe. So like you said, it's kind of just take a minute to really think through why you're feeling that way, break those habits and find those things that feel you absolutely love all of those and that whole that's good. That's really good. Okay. So let's talk about for a second. One of these, like I think this token thing of like being a good mom, let's just, just be a good mom. How do you think that society defines that versus how you define that? Yeah. Well, first of all, I think that everybody has that mom guilt and they're always thinking, am I good enough?
And if you ever think that or have ever thought of that, I'm going to tell you something right now, just because you've had that thought cross your mind. It means that you are a good mom. Like you care enough to even think, am I good enough? So you are good. And let me that just serve as a reminder to you. And honestly, again, like when it comes to being a good mom, it's knowing what your boundaries are, it's knowing what your family needs, it's knowing what you need, and really focusing on that and not pairing yourself to what society tells you you should be or what you know, your next door neighbors doing like it's about you. Like what fuels you? What keeps you in line? What keeps your family at its happiest and its healthiest and focus on that because, well, it works for me is not going to work for you.
It's not, we're not the same. Like we're all different and we're uniquely built. And that's why we're not born with operation manuals because we're so unique. So I would, I would suggest that, you know, for yourself, you, you really just have to get to know yourself and your family and what your family's needs are and not compare and, and take all of the outside opinion that is out there. And like, trust me, I have a podcast about motherhood. So like there's tons of opinion, right? And there's tons of information that I'm sharing, but it's like take the pieces that work for you. Not everything's going to work and apply for you. And sometimes you're going to come across somebody where you feel, you know what? They're very similar to me. They have the same outlook on life as me, or maybe they have a similar family dynamic as I do. And maybe that does feel like somebody that you can relate to and gain information from a little bit more, but you don't have to take what society and the rest of the world is telling you is and defines as a good mom, you know, at anything more than a grain of salt,
Man, that's so powerful. And I loved your first point, which was the simple fact that you are wondering if you're a good mom means you're a good mom. Like that is so powerful. So there you go, ladies, first off. And then the second thing that you had said there was that everybody's definition looks really different. And I know something that really helped me was, again, I got back to that sheet of paper. I got rid of all other ideas of what I thought I should say. And I just said for me and my family, what does being a good mom look like? How much time do I want to spend with them fully intentionally. And I talked to you on your show about how I, I turn off social media on the weekends because I want to work Monday through Friday. And I don't want to feel guilty about that.
I want to be at the gym. I want to have time for me and my business, but then I also wanted to really show up for them in a time blocked way that wasn't 15 minutes here and there. So that's what I came up with for me on that sheet of paper. And then I said, how do I make that a reality? And I just did it. I just started turning off social at 7:00 PM, deleted the apps on the weekends. It's been transformational. I feel so fueled as a mom now, but that's a different picture than maybe Mary over there that says, well, Stephanie, I don't agree with that. For me being a good mom is being fully a fully stay at home mom and cooking every meal organically for them. And that's great too. And then maybe there's Joanna over there who says, I want a full time job. I don't want to be anywhere near the house Monday through Friday. Cool. But you have to define that and then you have to stick to that and not let any other outside perfect. Instagram filtered, you know, feed tell you otherwise. Absolutely. And you know, like it makes me
Insane when people say, Oh, you can only be a good mom. If you're a stay at home mom, or you're only a good mom and actually contributing if you're a working mom, right. Like that's bogus to me. It's, we're all so different. And like, again, like we all have things that fuel us up that are necessary to us and Oh, you know what works for Susie is not gonna work for me. So it's so simple. It's really so simple. All you have to do is just do you do
To you mama? So I want to shift gears a little bit. I know we wanted to Laura, you wanted to share with us a story and kind of this really hard transition that you've recently gone through and then help us kind of see through your story and this visual of how navigating our emotions as a mother is so important to navigating life and kind of making it through those moments. That just feel so crushing. Do you want to kind of go into that? Yeah.
I think emotions, it's funny. I just took a poll on my Instagram, on our generation at mom, Instagram, yesterday that said, are you more emotional now that you are a mother and you were prior to and 96% said, yes, they're more emotional and emotions. Our emotions are crazy. And like, there's a lot of fear. I think it attached once you become a mom because you know, if anything ever happens to your child or to yourself, you just look at life differently and you, everything seems more fragile, which it is. I think you lose that sense of like being invincible. Maybe you didn't hear younger years and you really start to look at life a little bit differently. Right. So, you know, I have different emotions that pop up all the time. The other day I was getting a massage and I started freaking out like, Oh my gosh, like I started thinking like one day, like what if I get sick?
And my, my, my kids don't have me as long as they is as I've had my mother or something like that and how horrible that would be. And like all of a sudden fear will pop up and some anger, it pops up a lot for moms for a lot of different reasons and sadness and happiness and joy and excitement. And like there's so many different emotions, right? We have to be really aware of how we're processing our emotions, because if you're not aware, you're not going to think clearly. And you're not going to feel clearly. And things are going to get a little messy. It makes up, not that they shouldn't isn't allowed because I am a true believer in like you live in the emotion, like live in the emotion when you're in it. And there's always a new day. Like you're you get to get out of it the next day.
You could just start over. There's always tomorrow. So tell you a little story and something that kind of a very personal story and the way that I've realized how pressing emotions is kind of different when you become a mom, but how it can, how it really applies to any aspect of life when emotions do come up and, and your emotions don't define you. Okay. Just because you cry a lot, doesn't mean that you are a highly sensitive person. Like you just are going through a period like you're crying or maybe you don't cry. It doesn't mean that you're insensitive. Right. It just means that you're not crying. So a couple of months ago, so I was, I think, seven months postpartum at the time I found out that I was pregnant again with my third child. So I would have three children under three years old and I was completely shocked.
And honestly it took me a whole week to even say the words I'm pregnant. Right. I wasn't ready. Like I knew we really wanted another child one day, but I wasn't ready now. Like I kind of felt like my life was just getting back. Like I, after having two kids so close in age, you know, I had, my career was going, it was taking off. I had some vacations plan. Like it felt like a point where I could, I don't want to say be selfish because I don't think you can be selfish as a mom. But where I was kind of getting a little bit of me back and it was really excited. And so I did not expect I was pregnant at all. And honestly, I just took a pregnancy test to ease my husband's mind, because for some reason he had better intuition on it than I did, and it was positive and I freaked out and I cried and I, I could not talk about it.
I was in complete shock and I felt horrible because I had had loss before. And I know what it's like to really want a baby. And I felt horrible. And I felt also a lot of guilt, like, okay, if something happens, this is my fault for, and like, there's just, there's so many complex emotions. So anyway, after about a week, I wrapped my head around the whole thing and I was like, you know what? God gives you what you need. God gives you what you can handle. And this is what God thinks I can do. And I wore it like a badge of honor. I was really excited and happy. And it was like, well, God thinks I can do this. Like I can do this. Like, and, and really like, kind of started like feeding my ego in a way. But anyway, so a few weeks later I started showing signs of miscarriage and going through it before I knew what was happening.
I couldn't really get clear answers from doctors. It's always a hard thing to define in those early stages. There's a lot of gray now. I think I just kind of knew. And fortunately for myself, having gone through it before I do have hindsight and to what, you know, it takes time, it passes and everything. And I, it's the worst thing to say when somebody has a miscarriage or loss of any kind, but everything happens for a reason. Like my life would not look the way it does right now, which I'm so grateful for. If I had had that first baby, that was a miscarriage. So I wouldn't have generation, not mom, honestly, the way things worked out. So very, very grateful for the way things worked out. I'm I'm I struggle with the fact like why me with the embarrassment and the shame that goes along with having a miscarriage.
I know that it's more widely talked about now, but there's still like, for me, I was just like, why? Like, I've already learned this lesson. Why do I need to learn this lesson again? I don't understand like, God, like, why are you making me learn this? Like, I've got it. Like, why are you teaching me this again? And I was getting really angry, to be honest. And anger is not something that is normal for me. I'm not an angry person. I'm a path things really fast. I forgive really quickly and I just move on. And so anger is not an emotion I'm used to. And so, as I did continue to miscarry, I got even angrier because, and as, as like the next week went through, I got even more angry because I didn't feel whole anymore. I felt like there was this part of me that was missing. And it was funny because like I said, like I wasn't expecting to be pregnant. I wasn't excited about the pregnancy in the beginning. And my life felt really, really good before I found out I was pregnant and I was angry that this whole thing had to happen and break me and that had to mess up my happiness and had to make me feel incomplete. And so I got really, really angry and I've really been angry for the last couple of weeks until yesterday.
Yeah. And yesterday something happened another really personal thing with a family member that was completely unexpected and a lot of just unnecessary drama in my opinion. And it was between me and somebody out about something to me that, that didn't mean a whole lot. And listening to them and allowing them to tell their feelings and how they felt. I just kept telling myself, like, I don't agree with living my life that way, but I accept you for living your life. That way. I love you regardless. This is not going to break us like at all. Like, if anything, this will make us stronger or this will make the way I feel about you stronger. And I realized what that experience did. It brought me back to, I'm not an angry person. That was just an emotion. That was an F cause from the effect.
Right. right. And you know, it did it come, it came to like a point, like, I feel like all the emotion and that I had around the miscarriage and processing the pregnancy to begin with, like everything that's been going on the last couple of months, I really just like, it all came to a point when this family member, you know, brought up this issue and this, what I thought was very unnecessary. It was, but it came to a point and it came to a point I think, to teach me that I, I choose love and I choose kindness and I choose excitement. And I choose not to judge somebody else because I don't think that judgment and holding grudges and resentment, all of that stuff leaves us for any space. That is good. And I truly believe that we need more good in this world, especially as we're raising little humans.
And it just, I realized that I'm not angry. I'm not an angry person. And I was really mad the last couple of weeks that I was angry. I was really frustrated that I was angry, but it taught me that like, that was just a cause to an effect. It wasn't, it wasn't actually who I am. And at my core, I choose to love, like I choose to do good and I choose to accept. And anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because when these hard things happen and these hard emotions and things that we're dealing with in and outside of motherhood, it does not define you. That does not define you. It might be painful, but make purpose out of it, whether it be purpose for other people or for yourself. And, and honestly, I was able to like start today, completely feeling fresh and transformed. And I don't know if that will stick around, you know, grief especially is something that has its ups and downs, but it really just made me realize it's okay to feel these hard emotions for periods of times. It does not define who you are.
Yeah. Well, first I'm sorry for your loss, your you're a little, your littles that you've lost and hang with my littles that I've lost. And I think that, that so many people go through miscarriage and I'm glad that something that we're talking about and something that women can feel not alone in or shameful about anymore, because it is so normal and it is so hard. And so first of all, there's that. And then secondly, I think this story is so powerful because I think through each dark moment, when we don't understand it, we don't understand it. We're angry about it. We feel lost and all consuming. If we can relinquish that and trust in this big fruitful plan that God has for us, we can just say, I don't understand why you, why you are doing this to me right now. And I'm going to feel angry about it because God can handle that anger. You know, he knows you better than, you know, you, but you can trust that there was a reason for this. And I will get through this and through each dark season, I think it's the beginning of a light season. And I often see that transition play out and just kind of trusting that I'm going to feel this hurt, but I know this hurt won't last forever. And that is a lesson that I've learned over and over again. And you're learning again now, as you face this transition, but to use that
Across all the different areas of your life, cause we have pain and everything. We have pain in our businesses and our personal lives and in ourselves in relationships as we grow, sometimes it's painful. And so to take all of this, hopefully as, you know, some, some Testament to getting through it well and true, it's like, you look at things, whether it be miscarriage or it be bankruptcy or any challenge, it's really here to serve you. It has got to figure out what to do with it. But once you do and you start moving through it and you'll have hindsight, eventually that will make you feel like, Oh, you know, this wouldn't have happened. You know, I never did file for bankruptcy or something of that nature, but without these challenges, we're not going to grow. Right. And, and that's what it's really Sur, you know, everything that happens to us, it serves us life is working for us.
It's not happening to us. Amen. Amen. I love that so much. So I just want to see if you have any last words of advice or tips for the mamas that are navigating this motherhood space before we ask where everybody can go find you. Yeah, sure. I mean, I feel like motherhood is so complex. Nobody's motherhood looks like yours. You cannot define anybody else's but you can own yours. So do it. I can, I'm just repeating everything I've said, but you know, you do, you take what you can from other people look for areas of your life where you can really take care of you first, because if you're not taking care of you, nobody's being taken care of. And yeah, just again, like I feel that everything I said, ultimately like whatever challenge you're in business, motherhood, both combined, there's another side of it and you're gonna learn from it.
And that's amazing. Yeah. I love that. So where can everybody find out more about you, about your amazing podcasts with all of the hours and hours and hours of motherhood training and inspiration and then all the things? Yeah. So the best way to find me is really at generation, not mom. So that's our URL. It's just generation, not mom. And our Instagram is where we're most active, which is app generation.mom. And of course that's where you can find like all my personal info too, and our bio, but you can always reach me at my Instagram, which is just my name, Lara Schulte and anything coaching wise. And if you're looking to take the ultimate life tool that can be found at my website, which is laraschulte.com Well, thank you, Laura. Talk to you soon.
Lots of fancy unused education. Podcast Coach, Clarity Coach, & Top #25 Ranked Podcast Host for Christian Entrepreneurs.