Feeling kinda... stuck? Don't worry, we've all been there. Join me and my guest, Alena Conley as we dig into getting un-stuck while being 'in-it'.
Subscribe. Enjoy! XO, Stef
Full transcription available at the bottom of this blog post.
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Show Notes:
Huge thank you to my amazing friend, Alena Conley for pouring her heart into us! Connect with her on her Podcast and her website. Wanna do a coaching session with me?! From power-hour calls to monthly and annual packages, there's an option for you. Email us for the coaching menu at support@stefaniegass.com. Launch your podcast with ease. Follow the PROVEN system for scaling to success! Join the dozens of women who have launched TOP 30 RANKED shows using my exact system inside of Podcast Pro University. JOIN now and you'll get FREE, life-time access to the membership community, too! Hurry, this offer expires soon. Thinking about podcasting? Learn EVERYTHING you need to know at my free Start a Podcast Training Page (https://startapodcast.gr8.com)! Or, Snag my launch strategy + checklist at podcastchecklist.gr8.com Confused about what to do FIRST in your business? Download my Mompreneur Biz Blueprint and find out the exact order of operations to build your business. What to do, when: bizblueprint.gr8.com All of my recommended programs & software can be found at stefaniegass.com/resources FB Community: bit.ly/successsupportgroup Instagram: @stefaniegass
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey girl, welcome back to another episode of the show. This is number 118. And today I am interviewing a dear online friend of mine, Alena Conley. And I'm so excited because we really go deep. And we talk about what it's like when you're in it. You're not thinking about doing it. You're not successful yet. You're in it. You're showing up, you're doing the thing and you just are in it. There is so many hard things that go into the journey itself. And so we really discuss how to start loving the journey and also how to dig yourself out when you feel stuck or stagnant. So this is a great interview. I know you're going to totally love it. Let me tell you a little bit about Alaina. She's a wife and a mom of three in Atlanta, Georgia. Seven years ago. She left her Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle and wall street career to build a seven figure sales business from her phone. Alaina considers herself a storyteller and a creative content curator. And she's currently working with small businesses and entrepreneurs on their marketing strategies. She considers her most impactful role to be helping women through getting unstuck, which is what today. I totally wanted her to come on and teach you. She also helps women uncover what's really meant to fuel them. Okay. In 2018, she launched the reminder remedy life hacks community to serve others through content, coaching and community. So you're going to love this episode with Alena. What's up. Mama boss. Welcome back to The Mompreneur Mastermind Show. I'm Stefanie Gass, success strategist and passive income queen creator. If you're ready to step into your God, led potential, create profit from your passions and capture the success that is already yours. This podcast was made for you as always. You can find out more and connect with me @stefaniegass.com. So grab that cup of coffee or fill up that glass of wine. And let's dig in to today's show. You guys heard all about how amazing it is in the intro, but I'm so excited because I'm sitting with her now and you guys are going to absolutely love her story. I think it's going to resonate with so many of you in her message, and I'm just inspired by her already. I just got off an interview for her on her podcast, which she will tell you guys about as well. And I just know you guys are going to love her as much as I do so welcome to the show, Alena. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. We're excited to have you, can you kick us off? Tell us your story. We want to hear the journey to now. Can you give it to us? Yeah. And you all, Well, depending on when this area, you all will be one of the first to hear these version of my story, because this, the last almost eight months of my life have been a new chapter. So I'm excited to kind of expand upon that. But as she said, I'm Alena constantly. I am an Atlanta native. I live here now with my husband Prince and my three kiddos. And, you know, my path was pretty traditional. You know, I grew up in a household where education was important. Both of my parents went to HBC youth, which are a historically black colleges and universities. And so, you know, I don't know how many people know how HBCUs were started, but basically, you know, there was a period where African Americans could not go to college. And so in the basement of many churches, they were educated. And eventually, you know, these areas after segregation were able to actually be founded into universities. And so particularly in Atlanta, you will find probably many more generations of college educated black folks, as we would say, which is not as common throughout the country, mainly because so many of those types of universities were started in the South. And so needless to say education was huge in my family, on my father's side, my grandmother was superintendent of Atlanta public schools. My grandfather was a college Dean on both sides. My grandparents were college educators. And I'm saying all of these things, because that was like the thing that was like the forefront of like, you know, success, make sure you get your degree, you know, because it's a privilege. We didn't always have that as a privilege. And so coming out of high school, I knew like you're going to go to school, you're going to get a degree. You'll find a passion because people say that that's what apparently he shows up at college, her passion and you'll know at, you know, 20 what you want to be for the rest of your life. You'll go, you'll do great things and you'll raise your kids to go to school and do the same thing. Right. Which I think that many of us can relate to because that's kind of become a life cycle for millennials or however we refer it to as these days. And so I did just that got good grades, went to school, went to an accelerated MBA program. So came out of Florida and M university, which is in Tallahassee with a master's in business administration with a concentration of finance. And so when I first entered school, there was this huge wall in the school of business and industry called the big wall is what we called it. And it was a goat wall full of plaques of companies that had donated to the school and sell from day one of your orientation. That was like the pinnacle of success. They will say, look at this wall, you decide today where you want to be and who you want to be. So literally, you know, when you think about how the subconscious mind works, you're walking past this physical wall every day in and out to your classes, but ultimately knowing like I have to be valued by one of these companies, you know, to really make my family proud and to break whatever curse has been placed on me, you know? And that's just kind of, you know, what's being birthed in you. And so then it becomes, okay, not only do I want to get one of these companies off the big board, but if I'm smart enough and now if I can sell myself well enough, I'll get with one of the top pain companies. So not only did, you know, getting a great internship and experience and getting a job, was that like a thing, but it was like, who's going to walk out with the highest offer, you know, like that was like a competition to college. So I'm very money fuel in terms of how I picked that first phase of my life. Because, you know, while my family was middle class and you know, I never really felt like I went without, we were by no means wealthy. Right. And there were many things that I felt like you know, I didn't get to experience a lot of travel growing up, you know, I know I'm pretty sure we live paycheck to paycheck. And so more than anything, I was just like, I want to make money. You know, like, I don't care if I don't like my job, I hear y'all talking about passion, but I don't care. Like I just want to make money. Cause money will solve all of the issues. Right. So ended up figuring out that, you know, being an investment banker or working at an investment banking firm was the highest paying job. That's where I did my internships. That's where I landed my job during the middle of the financial crisis. So the markets crash in Oh eight, I got a job in Oh eight. You couldn't tell me anything cause they weren't hiring anybody. But to be able to get hired in a time like that, I was like, okay, I'm well, on my way, lived in New York was living the lifestyle that I had literally always dreamed of, you know there Carrie Bradshaw, you know all the labels, you know, dinner dates every weekend and you know, was flourishing in my career. Or so I thought, what I didn't realize was that every day I was showing up in a place where I was really being marginalized in a way that was impacting my health significantly. One day I ended up just having just extreme chest pains. I tell my, my roommate, Maya said, I think it was going to go to the ER, I think I'm having a heart attack. Yeah. He was like, I'm going to go with you. We go turn that it was just acid reflux. Yeah. But in that moment, you know, they're, they're sending me to all specialists. And while it was acid reflux, there were like signs of potential ulcers. It wasn't diet. I was eating pretty well, but it was stress, you know? And here I am, it's twenties. Why am I stressed? This is supposed to be the most exciting time of my life. Why am I stressed to the point where I really manage my weight? The way I need to my hair is breaking off. My face is always broken out. And I'm literally crying in the stalls at my job every day because of how my manager talks to me. I don't feel valued. I don't feel smart enough. You know, I'm impacting in some way, you know, through relationships. But at the end of the day, I was so misaligned because I had gone into that space purely for money that everyday people would be saying, why are you here? Like I love bright color lipstick. And I would come to work and like pink purple lipstick in a wall street job. And they're like, why are you? Like, you need to be in somebodies like fashion careers. But I resisted because my mission was to either a make money or be, be what people told me that I couldn't be. Right. And so I was being fueled by all of these non, these negative factors instead of really going inward and thinking about what are the things that truly lights you up? It was probably around the same time that the movie eat, pray love came out. And you know, everybody was going crazy after that movie. Like this was literally, probably the same year, that Instagram, when I was probably one of the first people to get on Instagram. Cause I'm a super tech geek. And I was like telling my friends, doing all this motivation. And then I was like, you know what? I like, there's something more at the time, my girlfriend, who's also working on wall street, very entrepreneurial. She decides that she wants to start making lipstick. So she comes to me and she's like, Hey, I'm here. I just take off a sabbatical from work and go and like learn how to make lipstick. And I'm like, okay girl, go do your thing. She comes back because her family was like, go get your job back. Yeah. They're like, please go get your job bags. It comes back. But at this point she now has a business plan. She comes to me and she says, Hey, I want you to be head of sales and placement for my company. And I say, okay, but why like I have no sales experience. And she's like Elena, because literally everything is you get that you love within a week. I ended up buying it because you know how, when you have a passion for something, you just can talk from a very authentic place. Didn't think much of that at the time. But what I later came to discover was that I had a gift for authenticity relationships and storytelling. So you know, working with her and her company, which is now a million dollar brand and thousands of targets across the country, it lit a fire in me when it came to entrepreneurship, it was like one thing to work on a job. But it's a whole nother thing. When you're working on something that's going to really, really impact the world. And that's yours, you know, you just work differently. And I knew that I did not want that flame to go out. I went on and was a cofounder of an app called girl talk. And then shortly after leaving my wall street job, cause we were like, okay, we're out. We set a date. And we left. I ended up taking a break here in Atlanta and was supposed to be moving to Cali, to live in silicone Valley and do this whole thing. And I ended up falling into network marketing. Yeah. So I'm on Instagram. I'm seeing some before and after pictures and I'm like, Oh, like this product looks amazing. I buy it. And then I get results from it. And so, because I'm a natural sharer, I'm like, okay, like, let me just take my followers on this journey. This is what's where people were doing this. Like, this was just what I did. Right. This was in 2012. I'm like, come on this journey with me as I, you know, do X, Y, and Z. Funny, like until this point we were like, literally the same, you know, my, I was in finance as well. That's what, when you said that This girl I'm like dying, I'm dying in 2012 when I started network marketing too. That's Crazy. So crazy. No. So anyways, you know, I am getting results. People are going crazy and my phone would not stop ringing. Where did you get that? Where did you get that? And so of course me just quitting my job only having a little bit of savings. I was like, well, shoot, I'm not gonna start, you know, getting some referral money from this and see, you know, what it does because I'm telling people about this product. I had no idea how you can really make money in marketing. You know? So literally within, I think 90 days I had replaced my income that I was making on my sanity. It was crazy to me. I was like, how have I spent all of this money on student loans trying to get this degree to go get this job? And then I'm out here flipping stuff on Instagram, make it like this. The world is a set up. That's when I was like in my whole like phase of like, what is the meaning of life who has tricked us? You know? And I became this big advocate for creating a lifestyle. So like I had given my team, this man called the young and free, but I really built a brand around it. And young men to have a young mindset, you know, a child like mindset that's spoken of in scripture, you know, where we look at the world as the glass half full because the, the possibility is endless. And so I was in a stage of my life in a season where I hadn't really been jaded by anything yet. I hadn't really had any low moments. So I thought that I could do everything. And I wanted everybody on my team to experience that euphoria. So that was the young piece. And then the free piece of it was like, let's go after freedom. Let's go after financial freedom, time, freedom, debt, freedom. And so that became really my life mantra for the last six years. And then I started having kids. I got married, had kids and my values shifted. You know, I went from being this money, hungry fashionista, you know, getting a couple of likes on Instagram to being like, I don't really care about this stuff anymore. You know what I mean? Like there's something more, there's something more, you know, I have a great things account and I still don't feel fulfilled. I feel, I feel like I still haven't reached that pinnacle of my purpose. My God given purpose, not just like the things I'm good at, but the things that stretch me to another level, I felt like I hadn't gotten there yet. So probably around 2016 when I hit the pinnacle of like the top of my company, I thought it would bring me all of this joy. Like you made it. And then I went into this like slight depression. Yeah. It was a little bit of postpartum, which I dealt with. And, but it was also this whole thing of just like that's I did that and what what's next? And I didn't know what the next was. And sometimes the unknown really, really scares me. It gives me anxiety because I like to know, I need to know what am I going to work on today? What's my new constantly video. And at that point I realized like how much longer can I do this? Just on autopilot. You know? And so that was when I really started feeling a little misaligned because I felt like there was something more for me didn't do much about it. Just kind of had it on my spirit, decided to just be a parent, be in a moment. And last summer. So about a year ago I had my first tragic events. So one of my sorority sisters who I was very, very close with, she ended up having complications during childbirth. And she passed away and that was my first time ever having somebody really, really close to me, tragically die, you know? And especially the type of person that she was, she, I really feel like she was an angel on earth. Like she was a terrorist. And then he went to their funeral. We went to our funeral and literally everybody said the same thing, you know? And it was like, how does she make every single person feel touched? And I felt like the Holy spirit was really working towards through her. And what I realized in that funeral was like, man, what are people gonna say about me at my funeral? You know, do I want it to just end that, Oh, this girl helped me get to this level in my network marketing. Right. Is that what I want on there? Yeah. Is that all that is going to be there for me and wildlife for change in relationships are great. And we had a lot of fun, there are seasons that you can not get stuck in. And so, you know, I kind of just ultimately decided to walk away and, you know, I was kinda like, okay, I gotta save this. I'll be able to survive until I figure out what's next. Did you completely quit? Completely quit. Wow. I actually ended up going to another company that wasn't necessarily network marketing but gave me the, it was more of a referral program, you know? So I, I kind of had that cushion where I was like, okay, you know, worst case scenario. If, if my savings deplenishes, I can refer people to this and figure it out. Right. But really, you know, hadn't built anything that was like, Hey, you know, I'm going to have success. Just hats abruptly, make a move, you know? And the opportunity presented itself. And I really just kind of felt like I had been trying to mentally wrap my mind around when I was going to be okay with walking away from that money. It just sucks you in, right. You get so blinded. And I was like, you know what, the moment that I left tomorrow's funeral, I was like, this is it. You know, I finished writing my story left and I'll say she passed in July, October. I got in a car accident. I was trying to close on my house. And without being even more long winded than I've been basically ended up getting in a car accident and EHS like sent me into this downward spiral of just like not being able to work, not being able to contribute feeling like I didn't know what was next. And then I had basically put all of this money into this new house, ended up losing the financing for it, having to find a loan officer at the last minute, mind you we've already moved out of our house. Now I'm pregnant. Two kids living with my mom out of a suitcase. Okay. We live on my mind for 90 days when I'm supposed to be moving into my dream house. Long story short, I ended up getting into my house. I had to end up selling. I had to end up paying off all my debt. That was the only way they were going to let me into this special program. Right. They have all of my debt, all of my cars, everything ended up losing everything, got into the house, but was just in a place where I felt so crushed. Like everything that I knew in a matter of moments, it was like, like you, I think you said to me earlier, like, you know, just when you think things will get bad, they get worse. I kept thinking this is it Because the bottom there's nothing else. Oh, okay. The next week had a stomach. Flu was in the hospital for two days. The next week my son ended up having a seizure on the playground. This was all back to back three weeks. Okay. And that's when I knew that literally there was a spiritual war happening on my life. And that was the first time I knew for a fact that God has so much more for me. Cause the enemy never attacks in the seasons where you're just like, Oh, I'm living great. I'm good. But the moment that you start thinking about, let me go change the world for Christ. That's when that spiritual warfare happened and I'm still in that season, but I'm in a place now where I know that my war wounds during the season is exactly what I needed to step into my next season. And I know that that was long winded. I got to get better with that story. My first time telling that story. I love, I love that story. And I think, like I said on your show so much is learned through other people's stories, not just tangible, tangible, tactical, do this, do that. But sometimes the learning process is The story itself. Yeah. And so I love hearing people's stories. So I have to know. So you're in this network marketing company, you're top of the world, right? Like, and I've been there. I was forced out of it into, and then dealt with all of the, Oh, that's not what I thought and all of these things. Yeah. You're in the top of this thing, like what was going on inside of you that was telling you this, isn't the call, this isn't you other than, was there anything inside of you that was going on? Or was it purely that moment of, is this all I'm doing for the world? Was it not? Like I said, it had been two years of that unsettled now? No, I think that it would be moments where I was cause, you know, and there were American it's 24 seven, you know, it's Oh, freedom of time, but it's 24 seven. Yeah. There'll be moments of time where I would be able to step away and be with my people. People like my friends and my family, whether it was vacation or holidays. And in conversation with like some of my peers that weren't in the industry, the passion for the things that they were doing, whether it was corporate or whether it was entrepreneurial, whether it was just philanthropic. Like I didn't have that in me anymore. You know, like when I first left my job, when I tell you Stephanie, like I was up all night, just on fire with ideas. Like when I was building girl talk, I was still working 12, 14 hour days. I would get up at 5:00 AM everyday just to talk to my developers overseas. That was the kind of blame that was alive in that season. And that was not there anymore, you know? And so it was like, wow, I love the people I did not like what I was having to show up as every day. You know, I did not like having to live, caption the caption I didn't have. I didn't like having to stage in my life, you know, to get the next person, you know, it just became exhausting. And so I knew that I wanted to be more present for myself, for my mental, for my kids. I just did not know how, because I felt like I owed everyone else the opportunity to kind of catch up with me in the company and like, Oh, I can help you get there. Now I've got to stick around and see every piece of your journey too. And now it's just unfair to myself. Absolutely. I've been there so hard. I feel you, I feel you. And a lot of the listeners have probably been in that season two and a half. Oh my gosh. How much bravery for you to walk away? Completely. I bet. That was like, I bet that was like one of the scariest moments of your life, right? Because you're like, I'm literally putting all of my trust and every everything in God's hands because you know, how could you walk away from money and then like, that gets worse for you. And I know you're still kind of navigating the season, but was there a time where like you felt Holy spirit movie or push you in a new direction in this past year? Like how did you start to gain clarity on what to do next? So I have this thing and you guys should and should try it, but I will go in front of my bookshelf. I closed my eyes and I had spike, kind of moved my hand, like a wheezy. And I did it one day and I landed on this book called Holy spirit. It was a book that I had started reading that I ended up picking up again. Probably like around September of last year. And this book is all about your relationship with the Holy spirit. So it wasn't even, did you feel it like it was intentional connecting? Right. So it's like for many of us, we know in theory what the Holy spirit is, the role that he plays, but we don't really depend fully on him when literally Christ said, you know, when I leave, you do not fret because I'm going to leave somebody with you. You know, I'm going to leave somebody with you. So even in times where you don't physically see me and you feel like I'm not there, trust me. I am. And so in this book, you know, it talks about and shows you all the areas in scripture where the Holy spirit has mentioned the type of relationship that he wants from you, the type of ask and request that he wants from you. And so for me, it was really a place where I didn't want to have my hands out, expecting I wanted to show up in the capacity of leaning in more. Right. So it was very much a season of me, of course, being still, but not being so still that I was paralyzed with being still enough to like lean in and actually listen, you know? So I would journal a lot and I always consider my journaling time. Like I would be writing, but I didn't feel like I was really right. You know, like I felt like it was like the Holy spirit writing for me. So I'll read stuff and then I'll just start writing. And I knew that he would eventually show up and then the next day, normally I would go back and read it because I knew that it wasn't my own words. Every time it would become so evident the things that he wanted me to know in that moment, you know? And it's like, and the biggest thing that I learned and then and then I'm having to lean on in this season is the power of like, not worrying about tomorrow, right? So that's another thing, you know, that he teaches is just like today has enough problems of his own. And trust me, like in real life, it was enough problems today. Girl, you don't even got to where it gets with tomorrow, just get through today. So, and so in that moment, I started creating a habit of cutting myself off when I would either soak in the past. Cause as you can imagine, you know, living a life where you really didn't have to worry about anything, you know, go through my mind every day. Like girl, why did you do that? You know? And then I was spent other days, like aggressively thinking about how am I going to get out of this? What I'm going to do next, let me go shoot this. Let me shoot that. Let me go be busy. Instead of like sitting with my feelings, sitting with my pain, you know, sitting with my grief, you know, I have so many thoughts and this season around the meaning of life, you know, because it was my first time experiencing death. In reality, I had so many questions around the purpose that is supposed to serve for those that are still living. Right. and so I feel like in this journey, every move that I make has to be intentional in connecting with him. So to me, it's not even just like a prayer time, right? Like I do intensive prank in the shower. That's like my prayer time. But it's like the constant relationship throughout the day that I feel like I try to be like, okay, like I hear you. Like when we got off our car earlier, I literally just like close the computer. And I talked to him. I said, you are so on time. I don't even know this girl. I don't even know how I got her email. But like I see you speaking to me through her. Like, that's how good he's so good. Right. I love it. And I love that So much. Cause I do the same sometimes. I'm just like, I'm here for it. God like literally use me whatever you want to come through my mouth through my pen, through my keyboard. Like I am your vessel and getting yourself out of the way is the hardest piece of this entire journey because we want to control everything. We want to, you know, make all that money and think that that's going to change everything. But it doesn't. And you're sitting up there on your, you know, your manmade throne of money. You're going, why do I still have a hole inside of me? Yes. Why is it still made all the money? I feel like this. And he told me that if I did this and I made it here, I would be happy and fulfilled and validated. And here I am with this hole in my heart that literally only Holy Holy spirit can feel right. Like only God can fill that hole. And in the way that I think he fills the hole is by giving you the call. Here's what I need you to do. And for everyone it's different. I'm not, you know, and I don't think for everyone, it's talk about God and minister, maybe it's for you. You're creating a world changer. And your call is to be an exceptional mom. And maybe someone else is calling us to go help people live healthier and better lives. And you just never know until you truly get out of the way and are silent with that. So I love that piece of advice. And one of the things that I want to say as I hear you talking, you know, I know that, especially for people that I know that are listening to this, they may think, well, Alena, like when you were in that word marketing, like you shouted from the rooftops, right? I loved my experience and I have a ton of friends still in the industry. So I don't, I don't necessarily ever see myself being the person to say, Oh, you know, it's just like the dangling carrot. There are definitely aspects of it that you can get caught up in my biggest lesson, through that season and transitioning into success. And then out of whatever is what you just said, which is, it doesn't matter what company you're in, what business you start, what car you have, how skinny you are, how good you meal prep, none of it will bring you fulfillment. And I feel like that's what I experienced incorporate. And then I thought it would be better. Cause I was like, Oh, I just need my own. And I'll feel fulfilled. No everything is like chasing air Stephanie, if you're not chasing him, you know, like nothing physically fills you. And so I think that the biggest lesson learned from me, especially in my down season, was seeing how much of the things that I thought that I needed, that once they were gone, I did not miss them. And the only thing that I needed was the Holy spirit, my husband and my kids and people that loved me, you know? And it completely changed my perspective about everything. Like I don't consider myself a minimalist, but I don't eat much anymore. I just don't feel like you're you're when you get clear on that piece, right there, all the perspective stuff changes and the things that you think you need, all of a sudden you don't need and all the fake, even the external fake, you know, I shed all of that. Like I'm just gonna just, cause it doesn't matter. Like this is such a temporary thing to even be here. And so the at church, the other day, they did this great illustration. They took this piece of string and it was so long and they just pulled it and pulled it and pulled it on stage and he's preaching. And, and then at the end of the sermon, they take the three inches and they wrap this orange tape around three inches of this mile, long string. And they're like, this is your time on her, this three inches attached to this mile of string. And you're so focused on this three inch portion, you are literally missing the mile of eternal, you know, happiness and fulfillment. You have ahead of you. Right. You know, let me slap you across the face. This is literally like, you're so focused on the wrong stuff. So I love that. So did you ever have a moment where you had like Holy spirit clarity of what do I do? Do you start a podcast? What do you talk about? What are you going to do now? What do you like? What are you created for? Or were you so confused and stuck in the now? What? Yeah. So I talk about this on one of my earlier podcast episodes, it's called getting unstuck. And it was really right at that time where I told you guys that I was going through a little bit of postpartum because my second one, I had just transitioned to my nanny and I was like, Oh, I'm ready to give X work. I'm ready to get back to like doing my thing. And I just could not move, you know, like I was physically stuck and paralyzed because I was just dealing with like, what's next? Do I really want to call it? It is still, I want to do that. I have too much time on my hand. You know, I don't have, can be a killer too. So I'm literally driving around Atlanta sobbing and I'm like, I call my doula and I'm like, I think I should see a therapist because I like kids stop crying. And I like, don't know why I'm crying. And she's like, this is normal. You're homeless or regulating. You know, and you're just really having a postpartum identity crisis because your baby's not with you anymore. You don't feel as needed anymore, but you have to rediscover yourself. That's the only way that you're going to get out of this. Like you got to get back to you. And so I'm remember it like it was yesterday because it's now become the day that I developed so many things afterwards, but I went to the salad place and I just, I did this, this three column exercise and it basically was like this, the first column was, I want you to write down everything that you hate about your life and I, and the way that I say, when I say, Hey, I don't say that in like an ungrateful way. I'm just like, I just talk dramatic. That's just LinkedIn things. I hate about my life like that. Right? No, some people are like, she has just an ungrateful, you know? So the second column is then what are things that I love about my life? And then the third column is if I had this in my life, my life would be perfect. Right. Cause we always do like, are these are the things that we just, if we had this, we would just be a millionaire. Right? Yup. So I did this exercise and it's something about the exercise shifted everything in me probably, or maybe a month later, I ended up going to a event at this women's conference at the church here in Atlanta where dr. Caroline leaf spoke. Are you familiar with her? No. Okay. Y'all gotta go check her out. Okay. She is basically the guru of like emerging science and Christianity. Okay. Okay. But anyways, so I got to this conference and she's talking about all of these brain concepts, but how the Bible really speaks of all of this scientific stuff, years ahead, right? It's like, Oh, y'all scientist, thank you all coming up with how the brain works. Now, actually God said all of this already talked about this, but one of the things that was mentioned was, you know, how they are, it says that you have to capture idle thoughts, right? And you have to transform your mind, you know? And it talks about the power of words and all of these things. Right? So what I realized and why now understand, you know, why this getting unstuck activity actually works is because the first step is something that comes from the word, which is capture idle thoughts. Most of our anxiety is really just the fact that we have nowhere to send our thoughts, which from the, from a brain physical scientific brain standpoint, like your, your thoughts are supposed to have places to live inside of your brain to function. Right. Which is why, when people write to do lists, they feel better. Right. And so, you know, for me, I felt myself always getting anxious when I had a lot of stuff on my mind, but I really didn't know what to do with it. Another reason why journaling works for people in the South therapeutic, because you're literally capturing, capturing idle thoughts. So that's what happens in the first column. But then, you know, there's this power of gratitude, right? We hear so many people talk about being grateful for things. So it's something about, okay, you get the weight lifted off of you of getting all of the things that are just currently giving you anxiety off. Like you physically feel that weight come off in that first column. And then it's like in their second column, it's like a return above. Cause you're like, you know what? All of those things seem crazy, but now they're off my chest. And honestly, a lot of stuff about her life. Like you have that moment where you're just brought back to reality. Like, you know what, I'm still breathing. You know what? I get to work from home every day I can switch up my office. If I wanted to, I can travel. I have great relationships. I have people that love me. And more than anything, I have the Holy Spirit's a guy me. Like I literally just exercise like two nights ago when I was having a mild panic attack. Exactly. I literally wrote down, I am good enough. And I am confident enough because I exist if my time was up. And if the hosts were, do not have enough other things to do with me, I would not even still be breathing. So I'm going to put that in my second column. And I guarantee you that, that the chills that come as you write it and like the physical smile on your face, in that second column and like, okay, life is getting better third column. And that's the column where it's all about, you know, if I had this amount of heavy. Perfect. Okay. Cause you've already recognized the great things, but then you're like, okay. But I kinda also really, I'm still yearning for these things. So for me, this would be like, Oh, you know, if I had the budget to get furniture to put in my office, it would be super zenned out. And I could like just work and be a content creator from class. So like, those are the things that you put in the third column. It's just like, you know, the things that you really desire. Right? Because he says like, tell me the desires of your heart. Like I already know them, but I want you to ask for them. So in the third column, that's really what you're doing is you're, you're knocking on the door and you're saying like, these are the things that I would love to see in my life. All right. So then what you do is you take the top three things out of each of these columns, right. Because you know, we can't focus on everything at once and there'll be seasons for us to focus on everything. But you take the top three things that matter to you right now and you figure out solutions for each bucket. Right? So in the first column you say, I hate the, I hate my weight. Okay. I mean, at the end of the day, as much as we, you know, fight our weight, we know the solution, you know, the crave is we got to cut the sugar, we gotta cut, you know, the carbs. We have to manage our portions. Right. And that's not easy, but when we start writing down, well, what does that look like? The key is to not rush yourself on stuff. Right. We felt like, okay, I gotta be skinny by Friday. That's just, I'll keep you fat. Cause you're going to be too stressed. And then the cortisol is going to produce and you just don't keep eating. Right. So let's stretch out this one thing. Okay. So feasible goals. Okay. The first thing that you should do is maybe find somebody that's going to help you shift your mindset. Right? Cause when it comes to dieting, it starts with your mindset. So maybe you read a book. I know for me, I go and watch what the health and I can stop eating sugar day to day, by the way, to shift the mindset, transforming the mind that stuff is in the word, start transforming your mindset around how hard, you know, the things that you hate or really, how are they really hard? Or can I just fix them with a little discipline? And when you go to the column around what I love, you have to do the audit of like, am I doing enough of what I love? You know, I know for me, I love spending time with my friends. Most of my friends do not live in Atlanta. So I missing that part of my soul, you know? So it's like, you know, the easy fix is like, Oh, let me go visit them. But I've got three kids. I can't hop on a plane and go kick it and have rental my girl, I still need that whole field. So I find simple solutions. Well, let me just schedule a weekly FaceTime with her. Okay. So that I can feel her energy so she can, my kids can know her name and y'all, it works just as well. I thought even closer because it's more regular. And that was me looking at my love column and turning it into actionable things to fuel myself more. And this third column, you have the things that you think that you need. And if you really want them, all of them may not be attainable, but they are like smaller steps that you can't get there. Right. So maybe, maybe don't have the budget for our furniture right now in a perfect world. Yeah. My whole office would be decked out. Maybe it's not there yet. But the first thing that I can do is going create a Pinterest board. I created a Pinterest board on my office the other day. Y'all it felt like I had it. Like the vibrations were so high, you know, that it fueled me to actually go and book some more clients so I could get my fluffy chair. Exactly. So that day changed my life. And it was a low point that day, but it gave me such clarity. And then, you know, it's one of those things like you have, like you said to me earlier, when you working your state of genius or you find things that work for you, they can work for other people. Right. Everybody around me was stuck. Everybody was stuck. Everybody's on depression meds. Yeah. We're all just out here trying to figure out why nobody told us life was this hard. You know what, before I had this baby, I'm going to put this three column exercise into a free giveaway. I mean a free guy. And that's what I did. And now the world can have that. So go a and get unstuck. I love that exercise. It's so beautiful because I think it's so important. We don't look at, in one place in one space, these three different facets, which really make, you know, your daily activity choice for you. And we're not looking at it in one place. We're looking at just gratitude or just the things I want. But in order for you to change it, you have to look at the big picture. And I really love from that middle column, you saying, how can I implement more of this one in tandem then saying the stuff that you desire and need creating those visuals in your mind? Because my audience knows I'm insane. I actually just created my first tangible product, which is with God, she rises, it's a Christian mompreneur journal in there. I have them vision cast their life. And you're basically writing those things you have in your third column. They're implementing that into a day in the life and they're writing the story of their life one in five years from now. And here's the insane thing is that I've been doing that for seven years. The last six of them have come true. Wow. It's so it's the craziest, because once you create a visual in your mind and you show it to God, this is kind of where I would love to be here. And if that's what you want for me, you know, I would love to have those things And he's like, Oh, sure, honey, Go ahead and ask for more. I'm like really like, okay. So I just love that, you know, what you're doing is in alignment with what I'm doing and I'm sure everyone would love to grab your exercise, get unstuck girls. Cause it feels good. It feels great. Well, you have taught us so much your story, walking us through your tangible tool of getting unstuck. I loved that. I loved your message. I love hearing from people that are in seasons and you're navigating because most of us, I mean, I don't really know of anyone. That's like, well, I just made it And everything's clear and end goals. Like I like to hear when we're in the moment, because that is the journey. That is the beauty, it's the journey itself. So just thank you for sharing. It's been awesome. How can everybody connect with you and get your amazing getting unstuck tool? Absolutely. So you guys can find me on Instagram. I actually have a personal page that I love to connect with you on is at Alina Conley. But then I also have my community page, which is at the reminder remedy. And so that's the name of my community, which is all about brain hacks, mindset shifts for the evolved woman, you know, which is really just the person that recognizes like it's more than just us, you know? And we have to kind of serve in our role, but know how to do that from a mental capacity. So I love to see you guys over there. The podcast is called the reminder remedy it's on all of your major stations. And then of course on my website, which is just alenaconley.com. Amazing. Well, thank you so much, Elena. You've been a blessing. Thank you. I hope I loved that episode. I loved doing the interview. She is such a beautiful personality. And if you guys haven't checked out her Instagram, it's gorgeous and I totally love her vibe. She's super fun. So go check her out for sure. And I just want to leave you with one major thought right now and that thought is, are you really stuck or are you exactly where you are supposed to be right now? I want you to pray that you can be fueled with gratitude and acceptance for your current moment for wherever the bank account sits. That you're grateful for it for wherever you're your weight on the scale shows up today that you're grateful for it. However, you wake up that you're grateful for that mood that you cherish every minute of the day, because that minute is a gift. And I want you to start loving the hard, not just waiting for the good. I want you to start cherishing being in it because that in itself is God's gift to you. It is the blessing. So let's stop looking for when and until, and start thriving in the now giving you a big virtual hug. As always, love and light. Stef 
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Stefanie GassLots of fancy unused education. Podcast Coach, Clarity Coach, & Top #25 Ranked Podcast Host for Christian Entrepreneurs.  Archives
November 2020
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