Happy Hour is the new 'all-nighter'
Remember those good ol' days when weekends were for clubs, dancing, drinks, cabs at 2AM and hangovers? Yeah, I don't remember it much either (haha). Now that we are so much cooler in our thirties, aren't you SO glad we can simply call up a friend, hit up happy hour (in jeans and a tee), have a few and be in bed by ten? Literally, the life. What on Earth could be better than a nice buzz and bed? (Just you wait twenty-somethings)!
You don't care what people think of you anymore
Gone are the days when I gave a sh*t about what people thought of me. My hair has lots of grey (I mean glitter), my outfits usually consist of sweats and food-stained shirts (what, I have kids!), I wear crocks. Yep, get embarrassed now. I am lucky if I remember deodorant before leaving the house, let alone makeup. And you know what makes it all amazing? The fact that I no longer give a damn who talks about me, laughs at me, or points out my hairy eyebrows. It's so gloriously freeing to be able to laugh at yourself and realize that no one REALLY cares about all those things you used to be self-conscious about. So rock those crocks and fluff that mom-bun, babe!
You can afford to get your eyebrows waxed instead of plucking for hours
I mean, really. I used to sit crosslegged in front of the mirror with my dull Walgreens tweezers and pluck, and pluck, and pluck. Anyone else? Or was this just me. I am cringing. Thank the heavens we are smart enough to fork out ten bucks and save ourselves these days. Maybe in our forties we will finally get lazered? Do we just keep getting smarter with age?
Flats are your BFF
Bye bye blisters, sore feet, barefoot at 2AM...see yaaaaa! In our thirties we are smart. Smart women don't wear 3 inch heels unless we HAVE TO. So GLAD our high-heel wearing days are behind us. Bring on the flats, crocks, flip-flops and chucks baby. And not to bust your bubble twenty-somethings, but guys don't really care about your high-heels anyway. ;)
Dating is so 2000's
Just EW. Remember dating? In your twenties? Barf. Buff gym guys that talked about themselves and left you wondering why you weren't a lesbian (kidding...). It was so bad. Turn around, and that guy from last week is posting pics of his new GF at the same place ya'll went and had $5 chicken wings and CONNECTED. So classic. Aren't you glad you are all nice and settled down with your hubby or wifey? Nice, boring nights in, making dinner, bickering over what to watch on TV, waking up at 8AM to the sweet sound of your kids fighting? Am I living a dream?! Seriously, life rocks.
You finally decided to love your big butt
...And the rest of your not-so-perfect bod. In my twenties I was 'SO FAT'. I mean geeze. That size shmedium tube top must have been made for elephants! I could probably pinch .5 inches of fat on my stomach. GROSS. (Insert eye-roll) Don't you want to punch your twenty-something self right in the throat? We were HOT, accept it. But what's awesome is that now I love my big butt, rock my non-perfect abs, and wear shorts.. even with my cellulite! And its BOSS. So glad we can love ourselves ladies, we deserve it. And if you're twenty something... you are not fat. Trust us.
For the love of netflix
Anyone else? Can you IMAGINE being in your twenties and wasting a whole weekend binge watching Orange is the New Black? #Lame Now, that's what our dreams are made of! Netflix and chill baby. You twenty-somethings don't even know what you're missing. Real life is so over-rated.
Your makeup routine is 5 minutes instead of 5 hours... (if you wear makeup at all)
Fake eyelashes, eyeliner, lipstick touch-ups every 10 mins. Get real. Ain't nobody got time for all that. These days it's my old-lady day-cream, blush and mascara. 2 minutes and I'm OUT. How did we ever spend hours doing our makeup, curling our hair, primping and prepping to get trashed and look like a sloppy mess anyway? SO glad those days are behind us (and glad Myspace is gone so you can't prove anything I'm saying right now).
Cleavage is out
As in out of style. Thank you Jesus! In my twenties I wore a padded push up bra to lift my perky perfect boobs. What a FREAK. If we knew then what we know now, we would have been bra-less and strapless from morning til night. Now a days we race home to take off our super-supportive, non-sexy mom bras and rock our non-perky boobs (thanks kids) in our jam-jams. SO glad cleavage is out and comfort is IN. Lets be real, butts are the new boobs anyway.
All your friends finally have kids
Which means they GET YOU. No one is "judge-y" because all of us are living in the same Hell (I mean Heaven). No one gets mad when you lose your mind, forget your keys, stop responding to text messages, emails, calls, or if you are 20 minutes late... to EVERYTHING. It's like.. no problem she has KIDS. What a breath of fresh air, right? Twenty-somethings take note: birth control.
Cheers to the best years of our lives, ladies. #thirtyrocks
What is your favorite thing about your thirties? Comment below!
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